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The Government Will Be Lifting Restrictions In Parks And Beaches During The Easter Weekend. In a shocking move the Government has announced today that, as a one off for the Easter weekend only, certain groups are allowed to go to parks and beaches, and invite friends round for BBQ’s. They can also visit elderly or
At 8 PM On Monday night, The Lincolnshire Sausage asks politely for the good people of Lincolnshire to open wide their front doors, or their windows, or go out on to their balconies for a county wide acknowledgement. At 7.59 PM, fill your lungs to maximum capacity, and with all of your might and built-up
Christians across the world are limiting large gatherings and physical contact to halt the transmission of Covid-19 All events to mark the important religious festival of Easter have been cancelled due to the coronavirus crisis. The traditional mass celebration of Good Friday, where some poor bugger got nailed to a cross after suffering days of
Thomas Tank or Tommy Tank to his friends has found self isolating during the coronavirus pandemic a little bit tricky and rather cringe worthy at times. Like many, Tommy has been trying to keep himself busy for those long hours of isolation. Only for him, it’s ended up being under some of the most mortifying
Many of us miss spending time with family, walks in the park, trips to the coast, heading out to the pub for a few beers with our mates, doing the things which we use to take for granted before the lockdown started But despite this world pandemic, women have still found a way to celebrate
After a week and a half of sheer hell for parents attempting to teach their little darlings at home, parents now believe teachers must be dabbling in some form of witchcraft and dark arts. Parents all across the UK are in awe of teachers and support staff who take care of around 30 odd children
People from far and wide flocked to the coast this weekend as they mistook a message from our prime minister, advising people to stay indoors and social distance to mean ‘go out in the biggest gang you can find’. Mr Johnson’s advice to stay inside as part of the fight against the Coronavirus pandemic, was
Birds across the world are fearing the potential spread of ‘Human Flu’ and are considering a global lock-down after scientists suggested that the human Coronavirus, Covid 19, may spread among the avian population. Big Bird, a spokesperson for birds told The Sausage earlier today: “All birds should consider reducing the amount they travel, particularly those
Coronavirus could kill off pubs ‘within days’ after punters told to stay at home. Beer loving Brits were told to stay away from pubs and other indoor spaces earlier by Boris Johnson because of coronavirus, but industry bosses warn this could be disastrous for their future. The British Beer and Pub Association has written to
It was announced today that the 2020 European Football Championship will go ahead after all, bringing light relief to footy fans across the country. This year’s European Football Championship 2020 is to be placed in the hands of teenage boys and adult males who have no girlfriends, who still live at home with Mummy and
Today at around 6.55am hundreds of thousands of German and Gerwomen queued outside hospitals across the county waiting for the doors to open. Frauline Becker, a Matron at the Heilige Hans Datdodisheß hospital in Berlin, told the Sausage: “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened the doors at 7am. I was swamped by thousands
Bridlington amusement arcade mocks coronavirus panic by filling its grabber machine with toilet roll. Yes Sausage readers this is real news so forget going to the Lincolnshire coast where you can win a teddy, a fake Fiver or a tumble dryer at the bingo. The better prizes are north of the border. If you fancy
A Lincolnshire man today is currently in the ‘stage 3’ recovery zone of the dreaded ‘Man Flu’. Stage 3, or the ‘I can actually make a cup of tea for myself stage’ as his wife calls it, consists of just a headache, cold eyeballs, sniffles, the odd shiver and the inability to do any housework
Storm Warning. Brace Yourself Lincolnshire & Stay Safe Another storm is blowing in from the Atlantic and it’s predicted to hit our shores late Friday so beware of the following hazards across the county. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come and we can have a storm every weekend once the ‘special’ trade agreement
The British Government has advised against all non-essential travel to S’cunthorpe A government spokesperson has confirmed that official advice about travelling to ‘The Arsehole of Lincolnshire’ – also known as the ‘Lincolnshire’s Front Bottom’’ – has been issued. He told The Sausage: “We are now advising people against all non-essential travel to Sunny Scummy and
TV presenter and full time tosser Pier’s Morgan is celebrating after breaking the pancake day record for being the biggest tosser with an award winning back-of-the-net commanding performance. Piers put on a legendary display this pancake day, showing off his massive skill set as he smashed the previous record for biggest tosser. One really over
