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Residents and business owners in Gainsborough have admitted that they are ‘absolutely over the flipping moon’ after it was announced that the Coke Truck has been scheduled to visit the town centre on November the 29th. According to a spokesperson for organisers Sniff ‘n’ Blow International, the small Lincolnshire market town of Gainsborough has been
More than 250 people have been arrested as part of an operation to crackdown on disrespectful non Poppy wearing. Since mid the start of November 250 people – described as pacifists, communists and immigrant loving tree hugging lefty types – have been arrested following a series of dawn raids around Lincolnshire for various offences including
A recent study has shown that buying a Vauxhall is just like buying a scratch card in the fact that usually every one in five is a winner. Over the years Vauxhall’s have been littered with several well known problems ranging from windows suddenly opening on their own as soon as they hit 70 mph
Scientists working at the University of Lincoln today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species. They also point out that, for one of them, evolution appears to be running backwards. “We have examined the way people use their dishwashers and discovered that people
Annoying children are to be tethered to the outside of planes, trains and buses so they can play outside and avoid disturbing older passengers who like quiet. The suggestion to tether children to the outside of public transport came after 78 year old Mr G. Rumpybum saw the environmentalists glue themselves to London’s Tube Trains
The obesity crisis deepened yesterday as it was announced the The North Sea must be put on a diet. After years of eating away at the Lincolnshire coastline and feasting on sewage, the sea has got heavier plunging the crisis into whole new depths because as the sea gets heavier it becomes greedier and will
A committed vegan has carved a heartfelt and tearful sorry note into a pumpkin for what it has had to suffer. Jack Sprout had just started hacking into the pumpkin for Halloween before being overcome with remorse at mutilating a blameless innocent pumpkin for entertainment. The apology, which is carved into the pumpkin, said “for
People who choose to wear a poppy in the last week of October and the first weeks of November are far better people than those who don’t a new study by Lincoln University has revealed. Researchers at the Human Virtues Department of the university interviewed several men, women and gender neutral folk from a wide
Tina Turner affectionately known as Ten Bob Tina by her ‘friends’ was tuning into the ITV 1 show Good Morning Britain, Thursday, October 24, when the programme cut to Calendar to see the news in Lincolnshire and that there Yorkshire. Click Here For Ten Bob Tina However, Tina noticed an unfortunate positioning in the technical
Workers across Lincolnshire were forced into doing a full day’s work and had to speak to one another at break times today due to a major mobile phone network outage. Workers were unable to update their Instagram and Facebook accounts leaving many staff with nothing better to do than get on and do the work
A teetotal Lincoln factory worker arrested by Lincolnshire Traffic Police for drink driving had his conviction overturned when it was revealed that he actually has a bizarre and rare medical condition called ABS (auto-brewery-syndrome) which causes his stomach to brew beer. Paul Brewer-Barleyson 58 from Westwick Drive Lincoln was stopped on Tillbridge Lane in the
Armchair experts hit social media this week to condemn environmental campaigners for not waiting to campaign against climate change causing fossil fuels until after society had fully adopted renewable energy and all vehicles were environmental friendly. Environmental campaigners were called dumb by the arm chair gammons for super glueing themselves to tube trains in London
Choose Your Lifestyle Wisely As Top Scientific Research Questions How Good Healthy Living Actually Is Fresh concerns have been raised once again over the safety of healthy lifestyles and fancy diets after a study found that people following them eventually die anyway. In a recent study, a team of scientists from The University of
Parents don’t be alarmed if after 3:30pm you see small creatures roaming around your house, trying to engage in conversation with you. I know it’s hard to believe but it’s probably your child/children coming out of there pit because they cant play Fortnite. If your child does become alarmed and distressed – which they will
Rumours were rife in Gainsborough of a Euromillions jackpot win this morning, after a couple walked into a local post office and paid their electricity bill in full. Postmistress Pat O’Cake said “I couldn’t believe it like. They just walked in all cocky with brand new matching 3 stripe tracksuits, brand new trainers and a
The Sausage was contacted on Friday the 5th October from a distressed male who had been sent to the doghouse by his wife. The man will be called Amin Trouble – not his real name – for his safety and the fact he doesn’t want to spend any longer than he needs too in there.
