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April 9, 2020

Coronavirus

Jesus Rejoices As Easter Is Cancelled Due To Coronavirus

Christians across the world are limiting large gatherings and physical contact to halt the transmission of Covid-19 All events to mark the important religious festival of Easter have been cancelled due to the coronavirus crisis. The traditional mass celebration of Good Friday, where some poor bugger got nailed to a cross after suffering days of

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Britain

The Nations Birds All In A Flap Over Human Flu

Birds across the world are fearing the potential spread of ‘Human Flu’ and  are considering a global lock-down after scientists suggested that the human Coronavirus, Covid 19, may spread among the avian population. Big Bird, a spokesperson for birds told The Sausage earlier today: “All birds should consider reducing the amount they travel, particularly those

Brexit

Hand Off Cocks And Put Away Your Favourite Sock!

It was announced today that the 2020 European Football Championship will go ahead after all, bringing light relief to footy fans across the country. This year’s European Football Championship 2020 is to be placed in the hands of teenage boys and adult males who have no girlfriends, who still live at home with Mummy and

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News

Good Morning Lincolnshire Take Note

Storm Warning. Brace Yourself Lincolnshire & Stay Safe Another storm is blowing in from the Atlantic and it’s predicted to hit our shores late Friday so beware of the following hazards across the county. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come and we can have a storm every weekend once the ‘special’ trade agreement

BREAKING NEWS: GOVERNMENT ADVISES AGAINST ALL NON-ESSENTIAL TRAVEL TO S’CUNTHORPE!

The British Government has advised against all non-essential travel to S’cunthorpe A government spokesperson has confirmed that official advice about travelling to ‘The Arsehole  of Lincolnshire’ – also known as the ‘Lincolnshire’s Front Bottom’’ – has been issued. He told The Sausage: “We are now advising people against all non-essential travel to Sunny Scummy and

Pier’s Morgan Is The Biggest Tosser Alive!

TV presenter and full time tosser Pier’s Morgan is celebrating after breaking the pancake day record for being the biggest tosser with an award winning back-of-the-net commanding performance. Piers put on a legendary display this pancake day, showing off his massive skill set as he smashed the previous record for biggest tosser. One really over

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