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November 13, 2019

Crime

Breaking News! 250 Immigrant Loving Disrespectful Tree Hugger Types Arrested In County-Wide Crackdown On Non Poppy Wearing

More than 250 people have been arrested as part of an operation to crackdown on disrespectful non Poppy wearing. Since mid the start of November 250 people – described as pacifists, communists and immigrant loving tree hugging lefty types –  have been arrested following a series of dawn raids around Lincolnshire for various offences including

News

Buying A Vauxhall Is Like Buying Scratch Cards.

A recent study has shown that buying a Vauxhall is just like buying a scratch card in the fact that usually every one in five is a winner. Over the years Vauxhall’s have been littered with several well known problems ranging from windows suddenly opening on their own as soon as they hit 70 mph

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Bad Dishwasher Usage Is Evidence Of Devolution.

Scientists working at the University of Lincoln today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species. They also point out that, for one of them, evolution appears to be running backwards. “We have examined the way people use their dishwashers and discovered that people

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Vegan Carves Apology In Pumpkin!

A committed vegan has carved a heartfelt and tearful sorry note into a pumpkin for what it has had to suffer. Jack Sprout had just started hacking into the pumpkin for Halloween before being overcome with remorse at mutilating a blameless innocent pumpkin for entertainment. The apology, which is carved into the pumpkin, said “for

News

That’s Not How You Spell S-cunthorpe!

Tina Turner affectionately known as Ten Bob Tina by her ‘friends’ was tuning into the ITV 1 show Good Morning Britain, Thursday, October 24, when the programme cut to Calendar to see the news in Lincolnshire and that there Yorkshire. Click Here For Ten Bob Tina However, Tina noticed an unfortunate positioning in the technical

Crime

Drink Drive? Who Me? No I’m Just A Human Brewery!

A teetotal Lincoln factory worker arrested by Lincolnshire Traffic Police for drink driving had his conviction overturned when it was revealed that he actually has a bizarre and rare medical condition called ABS (auto-brewery-syndrome) which causes his stomach to brew beer. Paul Brewer-Barleyson 58 from Westwick Drive Lincoln was stopped on Tillbridge Lane in the

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Environmental Activists Criticised For Protesting For Change Before Changes Have Happened.

Armchair experts hit social media this week to condemn environmental campaigners for not waiting to campaign against climate change causing fossil fuels until after society had fully adopted renewable energy and all vehicles were environmental friendly. Environmental campaigners were called dumb by the arm chair gammons for super glueing themselves to tube trains in London

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