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A man who is working from home alongside his partner of nine years had not realised that she was such a cowbag and a complete dick in the workplace. Johnny Rockson was completely unprepared for his wife Angie’s workplace personality who turned out to be a massive backstabbing and self important cowbag. Johnny told The
Thousands of ‘disabled’ folk have flocked to Lincolnshire’s coast and ignored threats by the locals to stay away or else get burned in a Wickerman after coronavirus restrictions were eased by our main man in charge Boris Johnson. In Skegness on Wednesday, May 20, there were long queues for Skegness’ latest must go to attraction.
Seaside towns across Lincolnshire have launched a new campaign warning people that if they come and visit, they will be hunted down by angry inbred locals with pitchforks and burning torches. If captured you shall be placed in a Wickerman along with other captured tourists and burnt. Following that the hungry seagulls will pick over
A furloughed factory worker from Gainsborough who has been at home for the past six weeks due to the Coronavirus lockdown, has said that he doesn’t mind ‘one bit’, and that he hopes it goes on for many more months. David Woodson, who works at a manufacturing company making automated packaging equipment told The Sausage:”The
Thousands of Brits face economic and financial ruin after facing the sack for starting work late most mornings despite working from home during the lockdown period. It was originally thought by the powers that be that the idea of not having to get up and have a shower, get dressed and commute to a place
Austerity Hits, a firm based in Saxilby Lincolnshire notified The Sausage today that it has been forced to put staff on government paid furlough scheme after its offers to supply Covid-19 test kits were ignored. Head of European operations Tess Ting told The Sausage “We contacted the government telling them that we could provide at
The oddly popular breakfast TV presenter and first class gob shite Piers Morgan has had to step back from his presenting duties on Good Morning Britain while he awaits the results after being tested for Covid-19. The presenter was showing mild symptoms associated with the Coronavirus and was quickly tested. He is distancing himself from
The Society of Science and Dog Walking released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don’t own a dog but go for a daily walk are a little bit odd and are probably up to no good and should be approached with caution. Double the distance of social distancing is advised. Dober Mann, a
April the 24th needs marking down as an historical event because a cure for stupidity was born and we have the Great Donald Trump to thank, slow hand clap please. Throughout this coronavirus crisis good old Donald, the leader of the free world, has turned daily White House task force briefings into a rambling two-hour
Scientists studying exhumed skeletons from a mass grave of Spanish Flu victims have discovered that Covid-19 was actually responsible. The scientists unearthed a truth which had been buried for over 100 years, whch was that the Spanish Flu wasn’t the Spanish Flu, but was the same coronavirus we are battling today. Woke keyboard warriors and
An incredibly brave and selfless man has risked catching the coronavirus at a Gainsborough supermarket because his mother needed some brandy and six bottles of lemonade because she cannot go out because of her twelve week lockdown. Andy Mann had ventured out to his local Lidl and Aldi last night wearing only a protective mask
The Sausage learnt today that the Pandemic of mini cooper drivers is worse than expected. Male Mini Cooper drivers seem to follow a few of the same traits such as, being a jumped up little bastard who are trying to look wealthier than they usually are. Trying to make their mark in the property industry
Writers of satirical news websites across the world were in shock today as one of the Lincolnshire Sausages top writers was placed into Facebook Prison. ” Go directly to jail if you pass go don’t collect £200″ Tom Eh-Isawankha, our very own brown skinned, second generation son of a muslim immigrant and job stealing writer,
Major disruption to the supply chain of fruit and vegetables across Lincolnshire and North Lincolnshire is expected to affect the Scunthorpian diet in no negative way whatsoever, according to a report published by experts at Lincoln University. Prof David Brownmore-or-less-son told The Sausage, from a safe distance of two meters: “With the perfect storm of
The Government Will Be Lifting Restrictions In Parks And Beaches During The Easter Weekend. In a shocking move the Government has announced today that, as a one off for the Easter weekend only, certain groups are allowed to go to parks and beaches, and invite friends round for BBQ’s. They can also visit elderly or
Thomas Tank or Tommy Tank to his friends has found self isolating during the coronavirus pandemic a little bit tricky and rather cringe worthy at times. Like many, Tommy has been trying to keep himself busy for those long hours of isolation. Only for him, it’s ended up being under some of the most mortifying
