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May 6, 2021

“Just Get Chuffing Ready You Little Shxts!”

Samantha Frogman, from Gainsborough, blew up at her sons, aged five and eight, 175 separate times in the 65 minutes it took to get them up out of bed and to school. In that time they had to get washed – several times, brush their teeth, have breakfast, get dressed, get in the car, go


What’s Wrong With My Mighty Fine Ass Says Nellie The Elephant

A Zimbabwean elephant named Nellie expressed disappointment and feels let down that poachers are only interested in his tusks and overlooked his mighty fine generous portion of an ass. Nellie told The Sausage: “These poachers are only interested in one thing when they came sneaking into my habitat late Wednesday night all they wanted was


Sheep Dips To Be Trialed At Airports

A statement released last night from Downing St says that sheep dips are to be trialed at airports from next week.This is the latest move by the Government in a bid to halt the spread of Covid-19. The proven system used by farmers across the world to protect their sheep against infestation from external parasites

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‘Your Social Media Posts Are Boring’ Claims Scunthorpe Couple Who Only Post Hundreds Of Selfies Of Themselves Holding Drinks

A Scunthorpe couple caused a major rift in their social circles after branding their friends Facebook posts as boring. The fallout comes after Danny Ranged and his partner Louisa Obotimised criticised their friend’s holiday pics and videos which featured a combination of food, buildings, places, scenery and a few loving selfies. “I wouldn’t mind,” said


New Two Pint Rule For Social Distancing.

The new social distancing regulations of table ordering and filling out of forms only lasted until the bottom of the second pint yesterday as pubs re-opened their doors once again.  Well we say re-opened their doors once again, if the rumours are to be believed, some establishments in Gainsborough having secret drinks behind closed curtains.

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Hooray Hooray It’s A Furlough Holiday!

A furloughed factory worker from Gainsborough who has been at home for the past six weeks due to the Coronavirus lockdown, has said that he doesn’t mind ‘one bit’, and that he hopes it goes on for many more months. David Woodson, who works at a manufacturing company making automated packaging equipment told The Sausage:”The

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