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August 10, 2020

Lincoln Canal To Go Under The Hammer.

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An 11 mile stretch of canal between Brayford Pool and Torksey is to be sold at auction today.

It is believed to be the oldest person made waterway of its time. Formally known as man made but due to the complaints received  from the local W.I. it had to be reclassified.

It was built in 12 AD by people (mainly those of the male variety) from Rome, formerly known as Romans, see above explanation or contact the W.I. directly if you are feeling brave or have a death wish.

The canal’s starting price in the auction is £200,000. When the new owners take over the waterway they would achieve a rental income of around £10k a year potentially rising to £15k after the first year.

The waterway passes through several villages on its route to Brayford Pool. The villagers in the area are not happy with the auction as it is a lifeline to them.

Mrs Sax Ilby told the Sausage, “I do hope the new owners don’t increase our rent on the waterway as its my only source of water. I have to walk two miles a day just to wash my clothes, kids, myself and to get water to drink.”

“The waterway is a lifeline to myself and the village. Especially now after all of the funding cuts to rural Lincolnshire meaning no future development of vital services such as running water and sewerage.”

“The canal is the only place left where we can both shit and drink fresh water…. well, freshish water.”

“It seems, as long as Lincoln’s OK nothing else matters, stuff the rest of them, give them potholes and porridge and make us pay the highest rate of council tax for the privilege.”

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