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August 9, 2020

Boston Tops The Towns League Of Crimes.


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Offences have been counted and the results are in. The Sausage can announce that Boston are this year’s runaway winners of the ‘Towns League of Crime’ with 3362 offences being clocked up.

Grantham and Spalding made up the rest of the podium with 2716 and 2518 number offences ranging from marrying someone who’s not related to you liking the mother-in-law.

The two next highest towns and who must increase their crime rates are Gainsborough at 2216 and Skegness at 2183.

These two towns are to be put into special measures as they have not managed to reach the podium in at least two years. So if you live in Gainsborough and Skegness do your bit and go rob something, even if it’s just a tyre from the local garage it all adds up. Get a speeding ticket and don’t pay or drive an uninsured car as points mean prizes folks.

Louth, Sleaford and Stamford had a good solid showing and will maintain their league status for another year with their crimes being up over the 10% margin set by the City of Lincoln who runs the league and who’s crime rate was an impressive 8355.

Mablethorpe with 703 reported offences and Ingomells & Chapel St Leonard’s trailing with 627 will have to fight it out in the relegation playoffs to see who stays in the league next year after both having a nightmare season.

Mablethorpe are the favourites to stay up and are hoping to capitalise on the holiday season being in full swing. Especially now that the police have a small office in one of the beach chalets on the front.

It  will only take a few seagull attacks or one good gypsy bare knuckle kerfuffle on the boating lake to extend Mablethorpe’s lead leaving Chapel to sink into the abyss of the Forgotten Towns League.

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