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March 30, 2020

Forget Brexit! Local Facebook Group Admins Impose Dictatorship On Town


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The residents of Gainsborough were up in arms this week as the admins of popular Facebook group Connecting Gainsborough requested the people in the group to be less nasty.

A long and tedious debate erupted on the popular but often controversial local group.

Local man and and constant moaner Clem Idia said: “This is a disgrace, this is how it starts you know! They are eroding our freedoms and taking away our freedom of speech. This is a dictatorship, it’s happening now and I for one, won’t let it happen.”

“They will soon be rolling out the tanks, you mark my words!” Said Ima Chump, another local rebel without a clue.

A spokesperson for Connecting Gainsborough, Adolf Jong-un Stalin responded to the accusations with: “Dictatorship my arse! All we did was ask people to be nice. At the very least we ask people not to comment if they didn’t have anything constructive or important to say on the thread.”

“We don’t want a dictatorship, we just want less dicks in the group.”

“A real dictatorship would have people taken away and prisoned for life without a trial or even worse, executed for their opposing opinions. All we did was ask people to be less nasty when commenting or not comment at all.” 

“If you don’t like the food served at a local restaurant or that it is a little bit too expensive and rich for your rough Morrisons caff palette, say so if you must, but there is no need to be a dick about it. Better still, don’t comment if it isn’t helpful to other people. It’s not hard to grasp.

“All we ask is that people be respectful, and to stop sharing pointless comments and trying to cause arguments or throwing insults at each other. I’ve seen better behaved toddlers having meltdowns over toys!”

Outraged local busybody Kay Boardwarrior raged, “Who do they think they are? Setting up a group with their own rules, allowing us to join with open arms then telling us off when we break those rules and slag off some business, moaning that their prices are shit when we have never been or don’t intend to go! It’s a disgrace I tell you. Bloody fascists!”

Group admin Benitto Pol Pot said: “It is a bit worrying when people have difficulty understanding the difference between a hard political system forcibly imposed nationwide on its people against their will, which could lead to people being detained indefinitely or being executed and a local business group hosted on a free social Media platform which may request it’s members to be less gammon like.”

“People seem to have lost the understanding of what freedom of speech actually means. Basically you have the right to speak up if things are going to cause major issues in your life. But been told to ‘play nice’ and not to insult people in a Facebook group is hardly a dictatorship, it’s hardly taking away their freedom or censoring their speech.”

“Even if they were booted out of the group they still have their Facebook profile and they can rant as much as they like… I swear these people would go to a pub, shit on the bar and cry ‘I thought this was a democracy’ as the bouncers threw them and their scooters out.”

“Stupid is what stupid does I guess.”

“After the fall out we even considered changing the group name to The Thrush Collective, because it seems to be full of irritating c***s. But that’s not really fair on all of the good people in the group and there is a lot of them.”

“This will make you laugh, after being called dictators for being ‘too heavy handed’, a post was reported and we chose to not remove it… not wanting to be seen as being… you know, heavy handed… but Facebook removed the post and we were reprimanded for not taking action! Oh how we did chuckle at that.”

If anyone is unsure of what a dictatorship really is then the Sausage suggests Googling the Third Reich, the Holocaust, the Khmer Rouge and Saddam Hussein’s years in power amongst others.

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