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August 9, 2020

Residents Left In The Dark As Town Prepares For Brexit

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Gainsborough last night prepared for Brexit by having a scheduled mini power cut which was organised by the Council and the European energy suppliers that run the power stations in the area.

Normally the council can’t organise a piss up in a brewery so hats off to them.

Many worried locals took to Facebook to announce the power outage whilst using their phone screen to light their homes as they frantically searched for the emergency candles which have not been used since before we entered the EU in 1973. 

Some people had to resort to opening unwanted Yankee candles which they had received as Christmas gifts.

This caused the distressed towns folk’s homes to smell of fresh cotton and spring meadows rather than the usual chip fat and weed.

Older residents are believed to have got their emergency candles out from under the stairs and sat around a battery powered wireless with tartan blankets across their knees listening to the local news in case of any updates on the blackout. Whilst reminiscing about the good old days of the 1970’s power outages.

A Spokesperson from that French owned power station on the other side of the river Trent, Mr Johnny Foreigner told the Sausage: ” You Brits will have to get use to power outages as it is our plan to close the aging stations which we own, and build houses on the land forcing you to buy overpriced power from our better stations over in Europe and just like your Out Means Out, Off will Mean Off when you don’t pay!”

Local man Mr A Nnoyed phoned the Sausage and left a message on our answering machine saying; “It’s a bloody disgrace, this is what you get when you sell off our industry to them bloody foreigners. Those smelly French should stick to making shite cheese, it’s what they are good at.. Just, they still can’t make a decent cheddar. This wouldn’t have happened if it was a British run company! I can tell you that this wouldn’t have happened in our day… this wouldn’t have happened under a labour Government, you know this wouldn’t have happened if we left the damn unelected EU two years ago like we were ‘sposed to… this wouldn’t happen if Nigel Farrage was prime minister… this wouldn’t have happened if we….” Unfortunately the answering machine ran out of memory cutting off Mr A Nnoyed in full rant.

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