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August 9, 2020

Local Worker Realises That If He Hadn’t Listened To Radio 2s Pop Master Each Day He Wouldn’t Be 8 Weeks Behind On Work.


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A Lincolnshire worker who can not be named due to legal and the fear of disciplinary reasons, today had to explain himself to his boss today after a production meeting had highlighted the fact that he had fallen 8 weeks behind on production.

It was only a few weeks ago at a previous production meeting the employee had told management that he was on course to finish all the tasks in hand saying “I could finish all of those tasks with my eyes closed and one arm tied behind my back!” and had begged the management not to put any other members of staff with him, especially the one known as TBO which is short for ‘The Boring One’.

“I’m like Superman, I work better alone, I don’t need any help, it will only slow me up if you put anyone with me, I’d sooner shit in my hands and clap than have an assistant.” He told the production team and the workshop manager.

The former apprentice of the year 1975 through to1979 and former world’s number one welder had let his high picky production standards slip and a comment he made towards an assembly team member came back to bite him in the arse.

Who would have thought his favourite comment, ‘He’s done fuck all today. FUCK ALL!’ would actually apply to him.

It was revealed to the Sausage by an unknown source, who apparently – according to apprentice of the year 1975 through to1979- leans on a radiator all day doing fuck all,  that the former world’s number one welder was actually sloping off at 1030am and again at 1045 am to listen to Pop Master instead of getting on with his work.

It’s also rumoured that the unnamed member of staff has been intentionally sandbagging so that he gets more overtime to fund his ever growing Tears and Gears habit. Steamcar building isn’t cheap.

The Sausage did try to contact the former apprentice of the year 1975-1979 but he was unavailable for comment due to him being busy listening to Pop Master.

But we did manage to get a comment from TBO. “As you can see, I’ve been moved over here again to pull him out of the shite … once again, and all I’m getting from him is grief. Moan, moan, moan, whine, whine, whine, that’s all he does all day. Maybe if he did a little bit of work he wouldn’t be in this mess. I believe I should get extra Grinch money for putting up with him.”

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