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March 30, 2020

Local Councils Build FireWood Stores As Part Of Brexit Preparations Amid Fuel Shortage Fears.


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Councils across Lincolnshire have started to build large stores of firewood in towns and villages for the local populace as part of its Brexit preparations.

In operation Wood You Adam And Eve It, town councils have hired several members of the local ‘traveller community’ to distribute firewood on several unused and derelict locations plus the odd rural woodland lane handy for farmers and those living in more isolated property.

The old Beckett School site has become one of the uphill wood stores in Gainsborough. 

Firewood began to appear on the site early this week.

Local widow, Mrs Fanny Shmelar said “It’s a wonderful idea, I praise the council for taking the initiative. I’ve heard a lot on the news about the potential fuel and food shortages that could happen when we leave the EU and so I was really worried that I wouldn’t be able to cook food or warm up water for a good old British cup of Rosie Lee.

“But now thanks to the council’s wonderful wood dumps I can rest a little easier knowing that if the worst was to happen at least I can eat, keep warm and enjoy a nice candle lit hot bath in my old tin tub in front of the fire in the living room.”

Another local, Mr Bret Sitter, told the sausage “This is what being British is all about, everyone pulling together, real proper community spirit, preparing for the worst you know? This is beautiful, brings a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.

“The council have done good bringing communities together. It was a great idea to get those tranny van, flatbed driving, Westside Story lookalike traveller chaps to dish out piles of wood and kindling to those who need it the most. 

“Just the other week my 89 year old sister-in-law woke up at 2 in the morning to find a couple of cheerful traveller chappies tipping a ton of freshly cut tree waste on to her drive. She was delighted. Now she knows that if the shit hits the fan – which it won’t, it’s just a load of remainer scaremongering bollocks – but if it did, she is now fully stocked up with cooking fuel.

“We won two world wars you know! We didn’t have a lot of gas or ‘leccy back in them days so leaving the EU will be a doddle. Give us a pile of wood and pen knife to whittle with and we will be just fine” 

If you are worried about the possible fuel shortages when Britain leaves the European Union then please ring the local council for a list of the local wood dumps. 

They have been put there for you, so make sure you use them. We don’t want anyone freezing to death in the coming Brexit winter.

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