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August 10, 2020

Thomas Cook To Put On A Replacement Bus Service To Get Stranded Passengers Home


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With the collapse of Thomas Cook airlines passengers have been comforted by the news that a replacement bus service will kick in immediately

The Government has issued a statement calling for anyone who has a spare bus to take it across the Channel and to one of the many airports across Europe so we can get our holiday makers home. It’s being dubbed a modern day Dunkirk rescue.

Those passengers who are protected by ATOL will be able to pick up a bus just to the left of the airport’s departure lounge.  

Remainers and Brits catching European flights should get the buses on the left of the coffee express machine.

But those travellers who are stranded in Europe trying to make their way home and who voted to leave the Europe Union in the 2016 referendum, must stand and wait outside the refugee centre and wait for Boris’s Big Red Bus to collect them.

Tea coffee and a complimentary copy of the Daily Mail will be provided to make your wait more pleasurable. Boris says that the bus is on its way, and if you believed what Boris says then you are a special kind of stupid.

If the bus fails to turn up – which it won’t – customers are urged to make their way to Calais by any means possible and get a chartered rubber dinghy across the channel where they will be cheerily greeted on the beaches of good old Blighty by helpful knuckle dragging members of Britain First.

See The Daily Mail for details.

Long haul and trans Atlantic flights should use the buses near the newsagent’s kiosk, where they can purchase a meal deal for twice the price of one in the departure lounge.

One worried passenger told the Sausage: “I’m  supposed to be flying direct to New York on Monday morning but I bet you a pound to a pinch of shit that the replacement bus stops at Iceland, Greenland and everywhere. 

“I bet it takes ages. I would even put a tenna on that. I would be quicker to get down Doddo road in Lincoln at Christmas in the rain than to New York, it’s just not on!”

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