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August 9, 2020

Are You Ready For The Brexit Purge?


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Purge Like Warning Sirens Set To Welcome In The Start Of Brexit.

Flood and warning sirens in towns across the county will sound at midnight on the 1st of November to warn locals of the start of Brexit. 

Lincolnshire folk, make sure you are Purge ready as your survival depends on it!

Experts and analysts have described the forthcoming Brexit as the British Purge, similar to the film where a national holiday is hijacked by the super-rich far-right white politicians with ambitions to systematically purge the poor and vulnerable from society to save money and generate greater profits.

Brexit is being forcefully lead by a similar group of wealthy far-right white disaster capitalists and politicians – many educated at Eton – who plan to purge the lower classes by crashing the UK out of the EU on October 31st.

Stocks of medical supplies will run out, hospitals and farms will struggle due to the large numbers of foreign workers abandoning Britain, food will become currency and people will die due to the UK’s exit from the European Union.

Local prepper and part-time multi-skilled veg picker Ivan Sprout from Spalding told the Sausage “I have been preparing for this moment ever since the 23rd of June 2016. I have 16 chest freezers full of sprouts, carrots and cabbages. Fingers crossed these will become currency when the pound crashes and I will become rich.”

“Hopefully the up and coming Purge won’t finish us minimum wage folk off. Who will pick the veg for the social elite? Especially with a lot of the eastern European workers leaving to go home for a better life and better working conditions. Maybe I should pay a young Polish woman to marry me so I can go home with her. I wonder what kind of bird I can buy with two sacks of carrots and a bag of cabbage.”

“I don’t know why people are worrying,” said local politician and toad impressionist Edward Leigh. “These so called experts are wrong. I can tell you now that there won’t be a shortage of medicines, food or staff on farms or hospitals. 

“How can there be? Within a few short months Brexit will have stabilised and the population will be much lower putting less strain on amenities and a much lower demand for food and medicine. Everyone’s a winner winner chlorinated chicken dinner!”

Gainsborough, Lincoln, Grantham, Boston and Stamford are just a few of the town’s which will be participating in a county wide testing of the alarms at midnight on Friday 27th.

Some towns will be testing air raid sirens which have not been used during peacetime. The last time the Gainsborough air raid siren – affectionately named as Uncle Albert – was used was during the war when the Luftwaffe came over to bomb our pubs and chip shops.

It is advised that peaceful sane people avoid being on the streets when the sirens sound at Midnight November 1st as it is expected that many gammon wearing Union Jack masks will be prowling around whooping like animals and looking to purge remainers, the poor, the poorly and anyone that will or has gotten in the way of Brexit.

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