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May 28, 2020

Hundreds Of Thousands Deaths Fear As Brexit Threatens Widespread Oxygen Shortages. 

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There was widespread panic today as UK residents were warned that there would be a severe shortage of oxygen in the event of no deal Brexit, rendering most of the population unable to breath, and ultimately die.

Even though earlier assumptions that life would carry on pretty much as normal if Britain exited without a deal. Brexit expert or ‘Brexpert’ Ree Maining revealed that a failure to reach some kind of deal on Brexit would render the country virtually uninhabitable, a barren wasteland.

“You wouldn’t believe what will happen,” he told a packed press conference. “Food and medicine will become a thing of the past, resigned to a place in school history books and urban myths, but most worrying of all, over 80% of the UK’s oxygen supplies primarily come from mainland Europe and is supplied by a French company called Oxygene.”

“Any old deal we could cobble together will do, but what would be a better idea would be a drunken text to Brussels late one Saturday night apologising for our selfish behaviour and asking if we could ‘forget what happened and get back together’.”

Le Frogman a spokesperson for Oxygene told the Sausage:” If there is a No Deal Brexit we will have no option but to turn off the oxygen taps to those who cannot afford our over inflated prices and I assure you Off Means Off! Just like Out Means Out!”

An email sent to all of the Sausage staff from the editor said “down tools, we’re all off to the Winchester to have a pint and wait for all of this to blow over. Failing that we may have to open a European office in Spain while we still can.”

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