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November 13, 2019

Woman Finally Admits That Earl Grey Tea Actually Tastes Disgusting.


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A woman from Lincoln has admitted today that she doesn’t really like Earl Grey tea because it tastes horrible.

Louise Huffington 38, an unemployed footballers wife, shopper and part time social media influencer has confirmed that she only drinks Earl Grey tea because it sounds “a bit posh and looks good on her instagram account”.

She told the Sausage: “I’ve been drinking it for years and I’m not convinced it’s even tea. Maybe it’s been sent down to earth by aliens to keep the intellectual in order or It might be some kind of practical joke that got out of hand.”

“I’ve been drinking it without milk just with a splash of lemon and honestly it’s disgusting, but I’m a social media influencer and with my husband being sponsored by a popular brand of tea, I can’t go around saying extra milky with fifteen sugars like my dad drinks it. People might think I’m working class.”

Posh people around the country have confirmed that they only drink Earl Grey in public just to make them stand out from the crowd. It’s more a case of ‘look at me, I earn over £100,000 a year and pay my own council tax you lesser mortals’.

“When I retire behind locked doors in my mansion on my county estate, I only drink Yorkshire Tea out of my favourite chipped ‘I love Blackpool mug’. The tea has to be served with good old Lincolnshire water which we have delivered to the estate on a weekly basis.” Bartholomew Francis Ferdinand told The Sausage.

“I would only drink Earl Grey sticking out my pinky finger while in public. I have a hoity toity persona to keep up.”

The makers of Earl Grey have confirmed that the recipe was originally used as an effective insect repellent and it’s currently used by the special forces in their jungle warfare exercises.

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