The Sausage was contacted on Friday the 5th October from a distressed male who had been sent to the doghouse by his wife.
The man will be called Amin Trouble – not his real name – for his safety and the fact he doesn’t want to spend any longer than he needs too in there.
Conditions of the doghouse are believed to be the same as a Turkish prison. The diet the poor soul is surviving on is cold shoulder and widows tongue.
During the phone call Amin told The Sausage: “All I did was point out a few errors in the conversation she was having with a local tradesman who had come round to the bungalow to price up some work we wanted doing.”
“I don’t know why I interrupted her when she was in full flow telling the tradesman how she wanted the new patio slabs to face due North and with the bird table to the East.”
“All I said was that she was talking about the wrong patio as it is the patio near the summer house that we are having changed. I knew I was in big trouble as soon as I opened my gob, her eyes nearly cut me in two and the look on the tradesman face was good luck mate I feel your pain already.”
“I wish I’d just rang or emailed the tradesman later to arrange another visit when she was out at the bingo. I could see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse on the horizon when I knew she was mad.”
The conversation then swiftly changed to “No no, I’m not interested in double glazed windows thank you, please don’t call me again.”
The call then ended.
The Sausage can only speculate that the gentleman’s wife had entered the room and he panicked. We have sent an aid parcel out to him with details of a husband’s refuge he can go to whilst he is in the doghouse. So far we have had no reply.