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March 30, 2020

Lincolnshire Threatens To Flood Nottinghamshire As Feud Continues Over Who Has the Best Roadside Eateries

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Tensions between Lincolnshire and Nottinghamshire heightened today after Lincolnshire threatened to flood it’s neighbour.

The low farmlands around Beckingham and Saundby will be the targets of the first wave of flooding if Nottinghamshire does not apologise for the comments made by the manager of Trent Port as reported in the Sausage here:

Military Gather As Tensions On The Lincolnshire & Nottinghamshire Border Mount After Trent Port Manager Is Heard Saying That The Food At The Lincolnshire Otter ‘Is S**T!’Military Gather As Tensions On

The comments about the Lincolnshire Otter has angered the people of Lincolnshire so much that hostilities between the two counties nearly lead to military action.

Many border fisticuffs and car park kerfuffles have taken place but this would be the first major county wide assault to be planned.

A secret meeting at the headquarters of the Lincolnshire Defence League decided to launch Operation Wipe Nottinghamshire Off The Map on the weekend before Lincolnshire Day. In a press conference the people of Lincolnshire were asked to drink as much as they could until they could drink no more and urinate into the river Trent.

The river Trent flows through the heart of Nottinghamshire right up to the capital itself – Nottingham.

Whetherspoons across the county were rammed over the weekend as patriotic yeller bellies and paid up members of the L.D.L. were in force supping up gallons of Batemans and Poachers. 

On Sunday night, the Lincolnshire Defence League unleashed Operation Wipe Nottinghamshire Off The Map with thousands of patriotic men and women standing tall and proud on the banks and river defences all urinating into the Trent at once.

Lincolnshire always suspected this day would come hence why the county spent millions improving the river defences on its side of the river. 

“Fuck you Nottinghamshire,” shouted one inebriated patriotic yeller belly as he wafted wee from a great height standing on Trent Bridge. “They didn’t see it coming!”

“I hope you have your wellies ya wankers!” shouted another yeller belly called as she finished off dabbing her foof with one hand and flicking V signs with the other.

Thanks to the combined efforts of the great people of Lincolnshire the river has swelled to critical heights and is expected to bust its banks soon flooding Nottinghamshire. 

It has been reported that the manager of Trent Port is in a bit of a panic and has been ordered by Nottinghamshire’s top brass to shut the doors by 8pm tonight.

“This will be a glorious day for Lincolnshire, today of all days. Lincolnshire Day 2019 will be remembered as the greatest day in Lincolnshire history!” Declared Major W. Ankah of the L.D.L.


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