A committed vegan has carved a heartfelt and tearful sorry note into a pumpkin for what it has had to suffer.
Jack Sprout had just started hacking into the pumpkin for Halloween before being overcome with remorse at mutilating a blameless innocent pumpkin for entertainment.
The apology, which is carved into the pumpkin, said “for too long now, personkind has indulged itself with an annual festival of senseless barbarity on the flesh of you and your family. Basically a pumpkin purge, which has brought on unnecessary suffering and humiliation throughout the years.”
“I am sorry for all the harm I and personkind, have caused to Mother Nature’s orange children. Cutting a vegetable should only be done respectfully, and with the intention of using it to nourish your body only as part of our natural survival.”
“Thinking more about it, it can be compared to fox hunting. Basically, pumpkin carving is just a bloodsport based entertainment. What myself and our ancestors have done to you pumpkins over the years… I can only apologise for.”
“In my defence, Halloween is a difficult time for the vegan community because we are constantly reminded of man’s inhumanity to our vegetable brothers and sisters. Also because vegan sweets taste like a pair of old sweaty socks.”
Jack concluded with a vow never to do it again, before placing the apology pumpkin outside the house where it will frighten young children away and send a clear message that vegetables have feelings too.