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January 29, 2020

Obesity Crisis Deepens, As The NHS Puts The North Sea On A Diet

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 The obesity crisis deepened yesterday as it was announced the The North Sea must be put on a diet. 

After years of eating away at the Lincolnshire coastline and feasting on sewage, the sea has got heavier plunging the crisis into whole new depths because as the sea gets heavier it becomes greedier and will start to gobble up more coastline more sewage. 

One local, Mr Gammon told the Sausage “We are all concerned about the seas greed, it’s becoming a bit of a greedy fat knacker, before we know it, low lying towns and villages will disappear, not to mention coastal towns and cliff top Caravan parks.” 

Up until 10 years ago the Sea had maintained a reasonable weight but that was until it discovered the taste of PLASTIC ! Yes plastic “The HEROIN” of the sea world. A substance with an addiction that is hard to kick, a bit like ducks and bread . 

Only this weekend the sea was seen gorging itself on an innocent car which was parked on the beach, minding its own business while the owners were out jet skiing feeding the sea some of Shells finest petrol.

Innocent car and jet skis being hounded by the greedy North Sea 

The RNLI pleading with the sea to let the car live!

What can we do to help ? First of all we need to stop feeding the sea plastic put it in the recycling bin where it belongs I know this seems a bit harsh on the Sea but it is in its best interests to do so , we also need to diet as our sewage is containing more Fat now due to the amount of takeaway food we eat and it gets washed into the sea as the famous saying goes ” All drains lead to the Ocean/Sea ” .

The Sausage did try and ask the Sea about the diet it has been put on but we were unable to make contact as the tide was out, however a local dog did make a brief statement though after seeing what offerings the locals and tourists had left on the beach for The Seas supper. 

“I think The Sea will be pretty Woof after it feasts on all that , and the fact the local councils have the cheek to ban me from the beach .”


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