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November 13, 2019

Bad Dishwasher Usage Is Evidence Of Devolution.


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Scientists working at the University of Lincoln today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species.

They also point out that, for one of them, evolution appears to be running backwards.

“We have examined the way people use their dishwashers and discovered that people interact with them in one of two distinct ways, which never varies,” said Professor Sophia Sudds.

Professor Sudds explained that one group, dubbed “ Group W5 ”, behaves in a perfectly logical manner, rinsing the pots to remove any leftover food then loading the machine from left to right with dishes and cutlery, then running the machine on the appropriate program before returning the clean pots and cutlery to their respective cupboards and drawers and then repeating the process as necessary.

“Of more interest though, she claimed, was “Group W0W ” who did not rinse the pots before loading the dishwasher and after running the machine, invariably leave the clean dishes and utensils inside, piling used pots and cutlery in the kitchen sink.

“So, for most of the time they have a dishwasher full of clean dishes and cutlery, and a sink full of dirty ones, as well as half empty drawers and cupboards.  Logistically and hygienically this makes no sense at all,” she said. She further asserted that the two behaviour patterns were so deeply ingrained that it had proved impossible to persuade one group to mimic the behaviour of the other.

“It makes no difference how many times you explain to Group W0W that a sink piled full with dirty pot  is both unsightly and a health hazard, and that they could use the dishwasher instead, they refuse to change, some saying leave means leave.”

According to Professor Sudds and her colleagues, their research data strongly indicates that Group W5 and Group W0W dishwasher user traits run in families with inter-group marriage comparatively rare.

“Where it does happen, the marriages tend not to last long,” added Sudsworth, pointing out that research was continuing in order to determine whether the two groups will continue to exist in parallel or whether one will continue to develop at the expense of the other, which will eventually become extinct.

“The automatic tendency is to assume that the clearly smarter Group W5 will prosper while Group W0W will die out from successive epidemics of salmonella and cholera, but evolution doesn’t work that way.

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