An Audi driver has scribbled a letter in his favourite coloured crayon addressed to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth asking for a chuffing Knighthood and a public holiday to be named after him after letting a pensioner out at a junction, it has emerged.
Pete Ennis, 32, from Lincoln’s Birchwood estate was in a line of traffic on Doddington Road when he spotted the pensioner in their Skoda Yeti waiting to enter the stream of tea time traffic from the left.
Mr P. Ennis told The Sausage “Normally I’d have been so far up the arse of the car in front I wouldn’t have noticed the pensioner but as luck would have it, I was on the phone to my mum arranging what I was having for my tea.”
“So that meant a small gap had appeared in the time it had taken me to tell her that I wanted smiley faces, alphabetti spaghetti and turkey dinosaurs. It was only by pure chance that out of the corner of my eye I noticed the strickend pensioner waiting to join the traffic and I thought feck it I feel charitable today and I let her in.”
“But after doing so, the ungrateful toad never flashed her hazards, put her hand up or nothing, not even a half-arsed wave. I got nothing that paid full respect to my sacrifice. That’s the last time I let anyone in.”
The Sausage understands that Pete welded himself to the pensioners bumper with lights ablaze and horn sounding in true Audi driver style for the next six miles and is now abandoning his plans to have a go at indicating on a roundabout and driving at least 10 feet behind a car because of this incident.