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December 14, 2019

Umbrella Sir? No Thanks I’m Too Manly For That.


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Men would rather be a snotty, uncontrollable shivering mess on the verge of pneumonia or death than use an umbrella and look like a soft big girls blouse it has been revealed.

Office dweller, sorry office worker Luke Warm insists on going out in the rain wearing just a jacket causing him to get soaked through to the skin, in a weird and unnecessary attempt to look tough and manly.

Luke told The Sausage: “These bloody snowflakes with their chuffing brollies are giving men a bad name, it’s absolutely pathetic I tell ya. It’s only a bit of water it’s not going to kill you!”

“You will never catch me poncing around looking like Mary bleeding Poppins with an umbrella, getting in every buggers way. I’m more your rugged, rough, tough no-nonsense say-it-as-it-is kind of guy. A cross between Tom Hardy and Vinnie Jones who doesn’t mind being soaked and uncomfortable for no reason. Let’s face it, Batman doesn’t have an umbrella.”

“I also like to have my hands free for manly stuff like fighting, eating pasties, smoking cigars and texting my mum to tell her what I want for my tea. I’m sure the women that pass me in the street are impressed and when they see me strutting down the high street looking like a peacock (or more like a drowned rat in The Sausage’s opinion.)  they go wet in their own little way…ya know what I mean wink wink.”

At this point for the safety of Luke who was shaking like a shitting dog, the Sausage cut the interview short and quickly rushed him inside the nearest fast food joint to give him a cup of hot sweet weak tea to warm him up.

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