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March 6, 2021

Archives for December 2019

Prime Pensioner!

A lovely kind hearted retired neighbour in Lincolnshire has confirmed that it is ‘absolutely fine’ and he is in no way cheesed off about collecting his neighbours Amazon deliveries. The good willed neighbour named Ronald told The Sausage “that is was no problem whatsoever” to be regularly interrupted and used as a parcel pick-up point

Man In Dire Straits, After Wife Whispers “Let’s Not Get Each Other Christmas Presents This Year Darling.”

An unnamed Lincolnshiresman was left in that dicey catch 22 situation last night as his wife of five years uttered those soul destroying words ‘let’s not bother getting anything for each other this year for Christmas darling’ as they lay in bed. “It will save us having to spend pointless amounts of money on each

That Bloody Dogs Farted Again!

A Lincolnshire dog is preparing himself to be blamed for seasonal family farting, brought on by overindulgence of sprouts, dates, and other festive fare. Springer Spaniel Benji, 6, says that he will be openly blamed for all of the toxic gases and nose numbing niffs on Christmas Day.  Benji told The Sausage: “I will take

Brexit Advent Calendar Finally Goes On Sale, Are You Ready For Your Next Dose Of Disappointment?

Brexit advent calendar has gone on sale a few days late with fuckall, false promises, lies and disappointment behind each door. The overpriced £15.50 festive product has a variety of picture predictions on every door from 1 to 24, but almost all windows end up entirely blank and lifeless, and after number 20 they don’t

Food Banks Or Johnny Foreigners, Who Wins? You Decide!

Voters in Lincolnshire face an agonising choice in the upcoming general election as they attempt to balance their dislike of Johnny foreigners or their general hatred of anyone with money. It’s a dilemma which is causing mental torment and creating a lot of soul searching throughout the county. It could basically come down to… do