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December 14, 2019

Food Banks Or Johnny Foreigners, Who Wins? You Decide!


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Voters in Lincolnshire face an agonising choice in the upcoming general election as they attempt to balance their dislike of Johnny foreigners or their general hatred of anyone with money. It’s a dilemma which is causing mental torment and creating a lot of soul searching throughout the county. It could basically come down to… do you like food banks or foreign workers?

A local man who wishes to remain anonymous told The Sausage: “On the one hand I want to leave that bloody European Union and send as many of those foreign leeches who are draining the life out of our country back home. Why can’t they just bugger off and wash cars and pick veg in the towns in which they were born.”   

“But on the other hand, I want to drag all those tax avoiding rich buggers down!”

The feeling in the county is that if Labour win and get in, any pleasure from dragging the wealthy into the gutter will be damped down by having to stand in the queue in Lidl between a Bulgarian, a Lithuanian and a Pole. And if the Conservatives are successful, there will be less eastern Europeans creating job vacancies across the county for multi-skilled veg picker’s and car cleaning operatives. Unfortunately this would also mean more smug bastards driving past Lidl to Waitrose in Range Rovers to collect their copy of the Daily Heil and triple quilted toilet roll.

The Sausage says that we think you just have to go with your gut feeling and decide who you hate most because by the looks of it we are doomed either way unless a miracle happens and the MPs get visited by three ghosts before the election and develop a conscience.

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