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September 27, 2020

Man In Dire Straits, After Wife Whispers “Let’s Not Get Each Other Christmas Presents This Year Darling.”


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An unnamed Lincolnshiresman was left in that dicey catch 22 situation last night as his wife of five years uttered those soul destroying words ‘let’s not bother getting anything for each other this year for Christmas darling’ as they lay in bed.

“It will save us having to spend pointless amounts of money on each other and save us a vast amount of time in the run up to Christmas.” She also said.

“Let’s just enjoy the festive season snuggling up watching Christmas movies whilst drinking Bailey’s and eating mince pies.”

The unnamed man told The Sausage: “All I remember is my soul going cold when she said those horrific words, what’s a guy to do? This could have massive ramifications on our relationship. If I get her something and she hasn’t got me anything she will go off her merry tits and if I don’t get her anything and she buys me something she will probably slap me with it or stick it somewhere very painful.”

“I don’t want to misinterpret the situation as we all know women are a complicated specimen to understand. I bet even Bletchley Park couldn’t crack their code. I just don’t know what to do, I could always buy her a frying pan or an iron and tell her it’s for the house and not her.”

The Sausage doesn’t normally give advice but after the unnamed man had mentioned frying pans and irons irons we had to step in and suggest he just buy a small token for her such as a cuddly toy as it wouldn’t hurt as much if she hit him with it.

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