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September 27, 2020

Prime Pensioner!


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A lovely kind hearted retired neighbour in Lincolnshire has confirmed that it is ‘absolutely fine’ and he is in no way cheesed off about collecting his neighbours Amazon deliveries.

The good willed neighbour named Ronald told The Sausage “that is was no problem whatsoever” to be regularly interrupted and used as a parcel pick-up point for his neighbours and members of their family and friends. He’s sure that some of his neighbour’s are ‘Prime whores’ – people who have Prime and get used regularly by friends and family to get next day delivery.

Ron said: “Today I took delivery of a small package, possibly a jumper, for my neighbour David yesterday. He also had delivered to my house six medium sized packages for his daughters who run a dominatrix business and I dare not guess what’s in them. It’s really not an issue though, I’d only just sat down on the toilet stark bollock naked so it was no problem at all to get dressed and run down stairs for something which isn’t mine.”

“And yesterday it was fine to have to break off a phone call to an old friend who doesn’t have long to live and ask my wife if we’d ordered anything from Amazon and still lug a massive selection of heavy parcels inside after she told me ‘no’.”

“I think it was some protein and kettlebells for my neighbour Kev. Which was no problem as my bad back needed a workout anyhow and I definitely wasn’t muttering ‘crossfit weight-lifting wanker’ under my heavy breath.”

Neighbour Polly Esta  said: “Ron is a lovely fella. By which I mean I don’t mind exploiting his good nature but it does come with a price because some days I just want to collect my parcel and get gone but he just wants to chat asking me how my day is going etc and to be perfectly honest, I don’t care about his prize cactus or how having all of these parcels in his house reminds him of his forty years at the post office. I just want to get gone.” 

“I do actually think it gives him a purpose in life and makes him feel a useful part of the community especially when the family of ten pop round after benefits Thursday to collect their parcels.”

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