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Daily Heil (Mail) readers have blamed political correctness gone mad for not being allowed to burn Remainers and all Eastern European people alive in a wicker man on Brexit Eve. Readers of the mulit-racist comic cannot believe they are being denied such a simple, harmless pleasure, tonight of all nights. St George flag wearing leave
Big Ben’s famous chimes will be replaced buy the Purge siren as the UK welcomes in Brexit on the 31st of January. . Cathedrals, Churches and even small Chapels across the country have also been equipped with Purge sirens and will sound at eleven o’clock on the 31st of January to warn locals of the
Ten Bob Tina the Blow Job Queen of Bottesford as the locals like to call her, real name Tina Turner from Bottesford, has decided to offer free nosh jobs in the woods of Bottesford Beck Linear Park over the last week of January as a way to drum up business. “I got the idea after
The UK government announced today that pubs, clubs and micro-brewery’s will once again be able to serve beer in pints after January 31st The ‘ Promised Land’ of Brexit Britain received another huge boost from the UK government today after a senior cabinet spokesperson confirmed that all pubs in the United Kingdom will be allowed
Part time teen climate change activist and full time school skiver Greta Thunberg has dramatically changed her view about rising sea levels after the misfortune of visiting Cleethorpes last weekend. The fiery young angry Swede was so horrified by what she saw she now hopes sea levels continue to rise and wipe the town off
As parts of the UK witnesses it’s first day of snow in 2020, leaders of the Church of England consider whether they should move Christmas day to a day which is more likely to experience snow. According to the Church of England, the baby lord Jesus was officially born on the 25th of December 2020
The long anticipated question of “how many children does Boris have?” may finally be answered. Talks are underway between ITV and 10 downing street to revive “The Jeremy Kyle Show” to finally answer the long awaited question. After crumbling under substantial pressure Boris has been quoted as saying “we should proceed without dither and delay”
The NHS just has to struggle through the last few days of January and then everything will be fine. “Free hips and parking for all!” One consultant shouted across a packed waiting room. With the extra £350 million per week that was promised by the ever trust worthy Boris Johnson (Check his big red bus
“Hydration is key”: Shouted Helen ‘H2O’ Waterford to The Sausage whilst performing 10 squats in her high heels and grey two piece office suite. H2O Waterford has kick-started a new ‘health and wellness’ routine this year and has had a stainless steel water bottle glued to her hand so that she can constantly replenish her
January 2021 is to be cut down to just 21 days in a bid to relieve millions of struggling workers from financial and mental misery brought about from the usual overspending during Christmas and New Year. January, which up until now had 31 days, will take over from February as the calendar’s shortest month with
