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September 27, 2020

“Gainsborough Is So Shit I Disguise The Tardis As A Toilet When Visiting” Says Dr Who

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The famous time lord and lover of the human race who has saved planet Earth from annihilation several times admitted that she disguises her Tardis as a toilet when she visits Gainsborough.

“I am not saying Gainsborough is shit but… well, yeah, ok I am. It’s shit here,” said Dr Who, who is now a lady even though she has been in man form for the last millenia.

“Did you just assume my gender?” the time travelling he-she scowled when talking to our reporter. “You see, that’s one of the reasons it’s shit here. No tolerance for other people and their choices. Why I oughta vapourise you with my sonic screwdriver!”

The Dr called at Gainsborough to pick up a parcel from Next in Marshall’s Yard and call for a quick coconut and soya milk wet frappuccino.

“I saw a lovely bra and pantie set online but as I am flying around saving the universe on an almost daily basis in my Tardis I have no fixed abode and so getting things delivered through the mail is a nightmare.”

“I didn’t want anyone to recognise me and so I decided to have the order sent to the Gainsborough store in Marshall’s Yard. I knew I would be safe here, it’s a big Tory stronghold and well, you know… the kind of people who vote for their own long term suffering and demise won’t notice little old me.”

“I mean… they will be too busy walking around looking at their shoes muttering about how brown people and the EU have ruined their precious country.”

“I did think about going to Scunthorpe, but that resembles the planet Retardus in the Thicaspigshite galaxy. Old habits die hard and I was worried that I’d end up zapping the locals with my sonic screwdriver and that wouldn’t be good for my reputation. ”

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