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May 28, 2020

Damning Report Reveals Home Based Workers Are Lazy And Sexually Deviants


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For those people who work from home getting dressed is the number one challenge faced, with getting out of bed a close second.

According to The Department for Studies and Research, the number of people who spend the working day festering in their under rackets has doubled in the past 12 years.

Slightly underdressed home-worker Drew Leftman told The Sausage: “There is so much to do first thing in the morning, what with getting out of bed, trying to put at least get one sock on and then there’s eating  breakfast. Especially if you get up a little late as I sometimes do, something’s gotta give!”

“And also if I spend the whole day in my undercrackers I save myself a job at mid afternoon snooze time.”

Professor Robert Blenkinson Told The Sausage: “This study confirms that only lazy people work from the comfort of their own home, and it also shows that they have no respect for the ‘normal’ working environment as they don’t have to deal with annoying racist and xenophbic work colleagues or put up with the commute to and from work.”

Leftman did admit to The Sausage that he sometimes gets caught out by the odd video conference as he only dresses from the waist up those days and on the odd occasion he has forgotten to end the video call showing the rest of the office his Mickey Mouse boxer shorts.

“This one time, I was wearing a rather loose fitting baggy pair of boxers and stood up too early, and my little man fell out of the piss hole at the front. I wouldn’t normally worry but this time I had been chatting to a woman who headed a charity fighting ‘inappropriate sexual conduct against women’ and we had been discussing running a social media campaign similar to the MeToo campaign from last year. After the unfortunate clothing malfunction, she decided that I wasn’t right for the job.”

“The way she reacted you would have thought I was wearing a gimp mask and had been spanking the monkey live in front of her.” 

“I am just grateful that I closed down the tab with Porn Hub which I normally have showing in the background on my other larger monitor. Otherwise she would have had a real eye full… if you catch my drift.”

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