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Storm Warning. Brace Yourself Lincolnshire & Stay Safe Another storm is blowing in from the Atlantic and it’s predicted to hit our shores late Friday so beware of the following hazards across the county. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come and we can have a storm every weekend once the ‘special’ trade agreement
The British Government has advised against all non-essential travel to S’cunthorpe A government spokesperson has confirmed that official advice about travelling to ‘The Arsehole of Lincolnshire’ – also known as the ‘Lincolnshire’s Front Bottom’’ – has been issued. He told The Sausage: “We are now advising people against all non-essential travel to Sunny Scummy and
TV presenter and full time tosser Pier’s Morgan is celebrating after breaking the pancake day record for being the biggest tosser with an award winning back-of-the-net commanding performance. Piers put on a legendary display this pancake day, showing off his massive skill set as he smashed the previous record for biggest tosser. One really over
A pub in Scunthorpe called ‘The Clitoris’ has been forced to shut its doors just six weeks after opening. The management and shareholders are blaming the location and the local men’s inability to find it. ‘The Clitoris’ was supposed to breathe new life into Scunthorpe’s flagging bar scene so instead of snorting coke off the
A middle aged man, caused quite a stir when ordering a black tea at a quaint tea shop in the North Lincolnshire town of Epworth on Friday. The man who has drank black tea for several years clearly stated ‘no milk’ to the waitress when ordering his drink at the Old Farts Tea Room. Fred
A cat called Bob has refused to eat a cheaper brand of catfood, despite having recently licked its own arsehole. Four year old Bob has not touched the non-brand “premium meat in gravy’ even though it appears just as identical to the meat that he was previously being fed. Bob’s owner Dallas Frenchenson told The
Lincolnshire folk all across the county once again prepared for Valentine’s Day by carefully thinning their pubic thatches, causing mayhem and localised flooding to areas of the county as sewers became blocked with massive pube-bergs. And with all the excess water from storm Dennis it was a recipe for disaster. As Lincolnshire folk stood in
A mass deportation of people from Hull is expected to start soon after Priti Patel unveiled the government’s new rules for skilled migration. The decision to ‘swap’ 90% of the population of Hull with skilled migrant workers who speak good English came after Boris Johnson’s experience when visiting the town for fish and chips and
Today tabloid journalists have taken up reverse cycling lessons so that they can learn to backpedal faster in the wake of another murder-by-media case. Reverse cycling lessons have become all the rage this morning among guilt riddled tabloid journalists as they help reporters develop the muscles and the stamina they need to backpedal more quickly.
Chaos as Wetherspoons evacuated for really Annoying Reason Spooner’s were forced to leave their hot meals at a popular city centre pub in Hull or ‘Hully-Gully Land’ as The Sausage likes to call it. Spooner’s were left clutching their pints and cigs in the freezing cold after they were evacuated on Sunday morning. It was
