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September 20, 2020

Archives for February 2020

BREAKING NEWS: GOVERNMENT ADVISES AGAINST ALL NON-ESSENTIAL TRAVEL TO S’CUNTHORPE!

The British Government has advised against all non-essential travel to S’cunthorpe A government spokesperson has confirmed that official advice about travelling to ‘The Arsehole  of Lincolnshire’ – also known as the ‘Lincolnshire’s Front Bottom’’ – has been issued. He told The Sausage: “We are now advising people against all non-essential travel to Sunny Scummy and

Pier’s Morgan Is The Biggest Tosser Alive!

TV presenter and full time tosser Pier’s Morgan is celebrating after breaking the pancake day record for being the biggest tosser with an award winning back-of-the-net commanding performance. Piers put on a legendary display this pancake day, showing off his massive skill set as he smashed the previous record for biggest tosser. One really over

SCUNThorpe Pub Named ‘The Clitoris’ Shuts After Men Failed To Find It.

A pub in Scunthorpe called ‘The Clitoris’ has been forced to shut its doors just six weeks after opening. The management and shareholders are blaming the location and the local men’s inability to find it. ‘The Clitoris’ was supposed to breathe new life into Scunthorpe’s flagging bar scene so instead of snorting coke off  the

90% Of Hull To Be Deported Due To Governments New ‘Must Be Able To Speak English’ Ruling

A mass deportation of people from Hull is expected to start soon after Priti Patel unveiled the government’s new rules for skilled migration. The decision to ‘swap’ 90% of the population of Hull with skilled migrant workers who speak good English came after Boris Johnson’s experience when visiting the town for fish and chips and

Back-pedalling Journalist’s

Today tabloid journalists have taken up reverse cycling lessons so that they can learn to backpedal faster in the wake of another murder-by-media case. Reverse cycling lessons have become all the rage this morning among guilt riddled tabloid journalists as they help reporters develop the muscles and the stamina they need to backpedal more quickly.

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