After this weekends disappointing Brexit celebrations, the Government has decided that the first EU ruling to be binned is the one which governs the fire safety of flags.
After many failed attempts to burn European Union flags on Friday, which left many Brextremists a little deflated, the new ruling will make all foreign flags flammable.
From Monday all flags apart from the flag of the Union and the St George will be made of flammable material, one which will also give out noxious and toxic fumes in keeping with the flag burning ceremonies held by certain sections of the British public.
“It’ll be great, I’ve been trying to burn that feckin’ awful flag of the EU dictators for several years now and all it’s done is cost me a small fortune in lighter fuel and a few burnt finger tips.” Said Ivor Needtoburnshit.
“How are we ‘spossed to have an old fashion flag burning session, you know, like they do in them bloody muslim nations when the flags sold throughout the EU are made from nonflamable material? It’s bloody stupid if you ask me. Bloody EU, telling us whether we can burn flags or not.”
The decision to also include the Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish flags on the list of flammable flags is because of the “fear that they may go for independence and break up the Union,” said a spokesperson for Downing St.
“If they want to break away, then so be it, but don’t expect the English to not want to burn your flags and chant slogans. They don’t like it when people do the right and sensible thing.”