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December 1, 2020

Locals Breathe Easy As Storm Ciara Blows Away Stink Of Scunthorpe

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People in North Lincolnshire could breathe easy this weekend as the Scunthorpe stink, known affectionately as the Scunny Stench was blown away to neighbouring Yorkshire.

While storm Ciara caused havoc across Britain, leaving most people unhappy with the widespread devastation of flooding, missing roofs and blocked roads, the people of North Lincolnshire filled the streets to enjoy fresh – if not a little breezy – air.

Tracy Dingle from Bottesford said, “It wor greeeeeat, I took meself and me kids out in t’ street t’ grab some fresh air. Not having that stink filling the air wor nice. It won’t easy mind, I had t’ tie me kids t’ lampost using belts t’ stop them blowing away in t’ wind.”

Unfortunately several dogs and their owners from surrounding villages were blown away as hundreds of people rushed out to enjoy a smell free walk in the countryside. The first walk free of the Scunny Stench for several years.

Towns as far away as Gainsborough were able to enjoy a weekend of fresh air. Local man Dick Splash said. “As soon as I heard on that there Facebook that the Ciara had blown away that wretched stink from Scunny which has been polluting the air for the last 4 decades, I was straight out of the door with my pooch Muttley.”

“With Ciara blowing the Scunny Stench away for the weekend I was able to enjoy a good walk taking in Gainsborough’s own aromas for a couple of days. It’s been a few years since I have been able to smell the travellers burning the plastic off the stolen cables down Summergangs lane. It made a refreshing change”

Reports from Doncaster say that emergency services are currently on the streets trying to uncover where a new mysterious stench has come from. Panic is setting in as locals believe it may be a terrorist attack using poisonous and noxious chemical gasses. 

DCI Flatcap of the Yorkshire Counter Terrorism Squad told the Sausage: “It’s as if someone has dumped the contents of several sewage farms in t’ ‘own centre overnight. We have woken up to a right fecking smell but no one can figure out what it is or where it has come from.”

Doncaster Town council have advised all residents to stay in doors until further notice.

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