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August 9, 2020

Back-pedalling Journalist’s

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Today tabloid journalists have taken up reverse cycling lessons so that they can learn to backpedal faster in the wake of another murder-by-media case.

Reverse cycling lessons have become all the rage this morning among guilt riddled tabloid journalists as they help reporters develop the muscles and the stamina they need to backpedal more quickly.

“It’s an amazing workout. You cycle in reverse, which sounds stupid, but it’s incredibly helpful to be able to backpedal quickly when a tragedy happens especially when you have been a major cause,”  said one of The Sun’s arsehole celebrity reporters as he was frantically back peddling through months of abuse.

Currently all of London’s gyms are full of tabloid journalists sweating heavily as they backpedal for all they are worth. It is said that personal training prices have gone through the roof.

A sweaty and worried looking Piers Morgan told The Sausage: “We all need to be nicer and a lot more kinder to each other. Modern society has become so harsh and toxic and that’s a real shame. We should celebrate a celebrity’s good times rather than their failings and problems, and journalists should not prey on mental health issues.”

All classes for reverse cycling are currently fully booked for the next couple of weeks. It is expected that they will become empty again at the beginning of March and up until the next tragedy.


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