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December 1, 2020

90% Of Hull To Be Deported Due To Governments New ‘Must Be Able To Speak English’ Ruling

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A mass deportation of people from Hull is expected to start soon after Priti Patel unveiled the government’s new rules for skilled migration.

The decision to ‘swap’ 90% of the population of Hull with skilled migrant workers who speak good English came after Boris Johnson’s experience when visiting the town for fish and chips and a pint last May. 

With the prime ministers ‘bumbling’ and several Hulligans chatting back in their local Hull dialect known affectionately as ‘utter gobshite’, the food order was eventually made by using the Google Translate app on his aides smartphone.

Mr Johnson’s aide said “When we left Hull, he turned to me and said I’ve no idea what the fuck they were on about’.”

John Eforeignersout, a spokesperson for the government said “no sooner had Priti Patel mention the new ruling that skilled migrants had to speak English Mr Johnson shouted up ‘good, let’s swap them for Hull’.”

“Ironically, the remaining 10% of Hull will be the original immigrant population who learned English in schools outside of the UK. We shall only be swapping historical white Hulligans with skilled migrant workers. It’s those who work hard and keep the town afloat.”

Princess Beyonce Ri-Ri Brown from Hull told the Sausage in response to the government’s plans “huff hueammmm fffufu aaaayye duuurnnt knnnnnowww hmmm guffafuff uh huuuh feck aarrrrffffd.”

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