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November 30, 2020

‘Mentally Ill’ Man Ordering Black Tea Emphasising ‘No Milk’ Given Jug Of Milk In Case He Was Wrong


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A middle aged man, caused quite a stir when ordering a black tea at a quaint tea shop in the North Lincolnshire town of Epworth on Friday.

The man who has drank black tea for several years clearly stated ‘no milk’ to the waitress when ordering his drink at the Old Farts Tea Room.

Fred Upp from Gainsborough was bemused when he was given a small jug of milk when his tea arrived.

He told the Sausage “it always happens, everytime I order a black tea in a tea room or coffee shop in the UK I get given a jug of milk.”

“The waitresses always look at me as If I have just shat on their table. Their stare burns right through me. They seem to think I have got my order wrong or that I am not quite right in the head.”

“I am 46 and been drinking black tea for several years, I know what I like and I know what I am ordering.”


The owner of Old Farts Tea Room in Epworth, Ms Sassy Pants 56 said “this is England, who in the right mind drinks tea without milk. We built an empire on tea.”

“My dad, god rest his soul, had a saying about his favourite brew, ‘If it’s not 2 and a moo, there is something wrong with you’.”

Mr Upp said: “We saw this quaint traditional looking English tea room while taking a pleasant stroll around the historical market town of Epworth. I suggested that me and the missus popped in for a nice quiet cuppa.”

“All was going well, I ordered cake for both of us, a green tea for her and a black English breakfast tea for myself. I then clearly stated that I didn’t want milk.”

“But when the waitress brought the order over, the first thing she placed on the table was a jug of milk, and in a loud voice so the whole of the tea room could hear she said ‘your milk sir’.”

“When I said I didn’t need it, she scowled at me and grunted ‘are you sure hun?’ Of course I am sure! Every fecking time I order a black cuppa anywhere… this happens.”

Ms Sassy Pants added “Everyone is welcome here, we are very inclusive of people with special needs and disabilities. We like to do our bit towards care in the community but sometimes people just push you to your limits.”

“I can’t imagine that anyone would choose to drink tea without milk, I thought he was being a bit of dick but when he said no to sugar too… Well I knew then he was mentally ill!”


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