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April 9, 2020

SCUNThorpe Pub Named ‘The Clitoris’ Shuts After Men Failed To Find It.


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A pub in Scunthorpe called ‘The Clitoris’ has been forced to shut its doors just six weeks after opening. The management and shareholders are blaming the location and the local men’s inability to find it.

‘The Clitoris’ was supposed to breathe new life into Scunthorpe’s flagging bar scene so instead of snorting coke off  the bars in the Peaky Blinder and The Tavern, men of the town could snort coke off The Clitoris instead. 

The owner Flick Thabeen, thought it would be fun to call the bar The Clitoris as it was right in the middle of S-CUNT-horpe.

But unfortunately the tongue-in-cheek name backfired with the Clitoris having to close its doors after just six weeks.

“We had quite a few female customers in the first week of opening as they managed to find The Clitoris straight away but barely any men came in at all. There just wasn’t enough trade to keep the bar afloat.” Said Ms Liz Bee’an, Mr Thabeen’s partner.

“Maybe they should have used my idea of ‘The Little Man In The Boat’.”

“Many potential customers complained that they were unable to find The Clitoris even after a few pints, which is surprising considering its central location.”

Meanwhile, a newly opened gay bar named ‘The G-Spot’ is doing extremely well despite its well-hidden location down a dark alley in the backside of town. The Scotish owners Ben Doon and Phil McAvity told the Sausage “business is booming, it’s that packed in there you have to lube yourself up so you can squeeze in. Bottoms up!”

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