Troubled airline Flybe has told thousands of stranded passengers across the world today that they can never ever go home to their friends and families and they should forget their old lives and begin new ones wherever they have landed.
The company which was bailed out by the UK government only last year has entered administration and ceased trading resulting in all flights being grounded.
Passengers have been informed that no more flights are available and that their money has been lost and they have no option but to leave their pasts behind and start all over again.
Pete Salt of Gainsborough told The Sausage: “My flight from Dublin was cancelled this morning and I asked the help desk what I was supposed to do now, and they said ‘find a lovely Irish bird, get a home, find a new job and start a family. Who or whatever you had before is gone’.”
“I tried arguing with the staff until I was blue in the face, but eventually the lady on the Flybe desk told me she no longer had a job and could never return to her family in Hull so how did I fancy hooking up? Every cloud and all. I start my new job potato picking on Monday.”