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September 23, 2020

Local Man On His Deathbed Declares Coronavirus Is ‘Feckall’ Compared To Man Flu


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A Lincolnshire man today is currently in the ‘stage 3’ recovery zone of the dreaded ‘Man Flu’.

Stage 3, or the ‘I can actually make a cup of tea for myself stage’ as his wife calls it, consists of just a headache, cold eyeballs, sniffles, the odd shiver and the inability to do any housework what so ever.

Sam Sniffleson was struck down last Saturday evening by the dreaded ‘Man Flu’ and has been unable to deal with daily life since. He has quarantined himself and gone into self-isolation. 

From his deathbed in isolation he did manage to say a few words to one of The Sausages reporters.

“I don’t remember a lot about Saturday evening to be honest but I knew I wasn’t quite myself as I refused a beer and an Indian takeaway. To make matters worth we had the house to ourselves meaning we could have had a bit of ‘how’s your father’ if you know what I’m mean wink wink”  *cough cough

“Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were the worst days, I was just a shivering, sweaty, snotty mess. At one point I didn’t know which way was up. I couldn’t even write a message to the missus to tell her I needed a brew.”

“At one point I’m sure I saw the grim reaper come in wearing a paper face mask. I was that ill even he didn’t want to catch my man flu and you know what takes the piss? I’m laying here bedridden as good as dead and didn’t even make the news, not even the local news, all they could rattle on about was Coronavirus this and  Coronavirus that! blah blah blah. I tell you now…. Coronavirus has fuckall on Man Flu.”

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