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August 9, 2020

Hand Off Cocks And Put Away Your Favourite Sock!


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It was announced today that the 2020 European Football Championship will go ahead after all, bringing light relief to footy fans across the country.

This year’s European Football Championship 2020 is to be placed in the hands of teenage boys and adult males who have no girlfriends, who still live at home with Mummy and Daddy and who would sooner have an Xbox rather than a fun box.

As the Coronavirus pandemic takes hold, European football’s governing body has taken the decision to play Euro 2020 on the popular gaming platform rather than in crowded stadiums. 

England will be allowed to play in the Championship time as they won’t have actually left Europe by then but it is still up in the air if they will let them play in Euro 2024.

The final will be played in Sammy Beansons bedroom.

Sammy, 24 of Gainsborough told The Sausage: “I feel very proud that the final will be played in my bedroom especially as there will be a live link with Gabby Logan, I will certainly have to wash my favourite sock beforehand, also mummy and daddy have said that if it goes to extra time and penalties I can stay up late.”

The decision whether the 2020 European Championship as played out by young adult males on their X-Boxes is to be televised is yet to be made.

Aleksander Čeferin, the UEFA president said “We are not sure whether watching spotty hormonal teenagers and single adult males sat in their undercrackers fiddling with their nobs and controllers is much in the way of a spectator sport.”

It is believed that the games will be streamed live on YouTube whether they are televised or not, but we advise that your time would be better spent watching RedTube or YouPorn instead.

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