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August 12, 2020

Home Schooling Parents Accuse Teachers Of Witchcraft And Dark Arts

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After a week and a half of sheer hell for parents attempting to teach their little darlings at home, parents now believe teachers must be dabbling in some form of witchcraft and dark arts.

Parents all across the UK are in awe of teachers and support staff who take care of around 30 odd children every single day without resorting to violence and swearing constantly.

Parents Emma and James Witsend told The Sausage: “We love our two little angels but we had no idea they were such little shits and so annoying. Are teachers secretly using some form of magical powers? We don’t know how they can operate with such levels of calmness.”

“We can’t do jolly pissing phonics without being interrupted every few seconds with some unrelated questions like ‘how do I get this crayon out of my nose?’ or ‘can we go on the XBox?’.”

“And we had no chuffing idea that it was even possible to lose your pencil, rubber or ruler 100 times while sitting at a desk.”

“We  just find it very hard to believe that teachers and their support staff aren’t losing their shit every five minutes, kicking over tables, throwing board rubbers etc. So in our opinion they must be using some kind of supernatural power to get kids to sit down and shut up. It’s either that or they are smacked out on a cocktail of temazepam and whiskey!”

“Maybe they blast out a ouija board before class and an evil spirit possesses the teacher and helps them take the class, who knows, but what we do know is that we can’t control the little fuckers, and there are only two of them!”


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