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August 12, 2020

Archives for April 2020

Revealed! Spanish Flu Pandemic Was Covid-19 Sent Back In Time By Evil Chinamerican Scientists Using 5G Masts At Trump’s Request

Scientists studying exhumed skeletons from a mass grave of Spanish Flu victims have discovered that Covid-19 was actually responsible. The scientists unearthed a truth which had been buried for over 100 years, whch was that the Spanish Flu wasn’t the Spanish Flu, but was the same coronavirus we are battling today. Woke keyboard warriors and

Heroic Lincolnshire Man Risks Life And Limb To Buy Essential Bottle Of Brandy For His Mum

An incredibly brave and selfless man has risked catching the coronavirus at a Gainsborough supermarket because his mother needed some brandy and six bottles of lemonade because she cannot go out because of her twelve week lockdown.  Andy Mann had ventured out to his local Lidl and Aldi last night wearing only a protective mask

Revealed: Male Mini Cooper Convertible Drivers Are Bigger Tossers Than Audi Drivers, Says General Public

The Sausage learnt today that the Pandemic of mini cooper drivers is worse than expected. Male Mini Cooper drivers seem to follow a few of the same traits such as, being a jumped up little bastard who are trying to look wealthier than they usually are. Trying to make their mark in the property industry

Sales Of Toilet Roll Now At An All Time Low As Lockdown With Family Stops Teenage Boys And Husbands Getting ‘Handy’

Toilet roll manufacturers claim that sales of toilet roll is now at an all time low thanks to the national lockdown imposed by the government in response to the coronavirus. Sales of toilet rolls hit a record high during the weeks leading up to the lockdown as panic buying set in. But now the lockdown

Lincolnshire Colleges To Offer A Degree Course In Fruit And Vegetable Picking.

Britain is currently suffering a national shortage of multi-skilled fruit and vegetable pickers, leaving Britain relying on an army of 150 Romanian fruit pickers flown over this week to save our great nation – you know the type, the hard working people that were forcibly sent home by our government at the requests of Daily

Local Satire Writers Forced Into Facebook Prison And Gets A Telling Off As Tommeh Fan Gets Their Mum To Read Them A Satirical Post About Their Messiah.

Writers of satirical news websites across the world were in shock today as one of the Lincolnshire Sausages top writers was placed into Facebook Prison.  ” Go directly to jail if you pass go don’t collect £200″ Tom Eh-Isawankha, our very own brown skinned, second generation son of a muslim immigrant and job stealing writer,

Shortage Of Fresh Fruit & Veg Supply Has No Effect Whatsoever On The People Of Scunthorpe Reveals Report

Major disruption to the supply chain of fruit and vegetables across Lincolnshire and North Lincolnshire is expected to affect the Scunthorpian diet in no negative way whatsoever, according to a report published by experts at Lincoln University. Prof David Brownmore-or-less-son told The Sausage, from a safe distance of two meters: “With the perfect storm of

Breaking News Easter Weekend Parks & Beaches To Open To Specific Members Of The Public.

The Government Will Be Lifting Restrictions In Parks And Beaches During The Easter Weekend. In a shocking move the Government has announced today that, as a one off for the Easter weekend only, certain groups are allowed to go to parks and beaches, and invite friends round for BBQ’s. They can also visit elderly or

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