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May 28, 2020

Shortage Of Fresh Fruit & Veg Supply Has No Effect Whatsoever On The People Of Scunthorpe Reveals Report

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Major disruption to the supply chain of fruit and vegetables across Lincolnshire and North Lincolnshire is expected to affect the Scunthorpian diet in no negative way whatsoever, according to a report published by experts at Lincoln University.

Prof David Brownmore-or-less-son told The Sausage, from a safe distance of two meters: “With the perfect storm of Brexit and the Coronavirus pandemic which Lincolnshire finds itself in, we are expecting  significant disruption to the fruit & veg supply chain in the coming months, But evidence suggests that Scunthorpe isn’t expected to notice any difference.

“We know that the lack of European workers is one of the main causes for the shortage. Thanks to the Daily Heil (Sausage Misprint – not) and their relentless targeting of migrant workers, you know, the hardworking folk that came here and ‘stole all of the British jobs’ apparently, who have now returned home and left us with a giant workers hole, which is unlikely to be filled by British workers.”

“If you are one of those clueless Brextremists, ‘out means out’, and ‘go home’ and all that crap kinda person, then you are as much to blame for this problem as Covid-19 itself… and we aren’t even going to discuss the damage to the NHS that Brextremists have caused with over 10,000 doctors and nurses leaving the UK.”

“Hopefully Boris will have a big drive on multi-skilled veg pickers and packers. We know of one company in Gainsborough that makes packaging machines which pack fruit and vegetables who have had to go back in after a temporary lay off, just so that they can finish these important machines so that essentials like fruit and vegetables can be packed. These guys are heros in my eyes, not all heroes wear capes some wear blue overalls.”

Pharallel Jackson-Parrson the lll from S-cunt-horpe, and lead member of ‘T Westcliff Massive’ told the Sausage – from a safe distance of six meters ‘mainly because his breath was really bad’:

“The last time I ate a fruit, it was a fried banana and feck me, it was fecking disgusting. I had to have two bottles of Frosty Jack’s to take the taste away. The only fruit we consume is from a plastic bottle down the parrrrk, or pineapple on a pizza.”

Despite the disruption, The people of Scunthorpe will still be able to eat their five fruits and veg per annum, which passes for good health in their town. Though some of the healthier town’s folk do actually manage to get their recommended five a day via the vast amount of takeaways and off-licences in the town, which in S-cunthorpes eyes, are a vital service.


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