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November 30, 2020

Homophobe Wakens From 20 Year Coma To Find Town Windows Awash With Rainbows And Dies From Panic

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A homophobic man who woke from a 20 year coma last week has died from panic during the car ride home.

Gaylord Hater, 54 from Gainsborough, who fell into a coma back in 2000 after banging his head on a kerb after slipping on a banana skin trying to cross the road to avoid walking past a gay man, was struck with fear and panic when he spotted pictures of rainbows in hundreds of windows during the drive home.

Gaylord’s sister, Lizz Beeon who was driving him home from the hospital with her husband Geoff, told the Sausage “He was in good spirits when he left the hospital. But when he noticed all of the pictures of rainbows supporting our wonderful NHS in the windows, Gaylord began to panic and started shouting ‘they’ve been breeding, they’re everywhere!'”

“I tried to calm him down and reassure him that it was just to do with a virus pandemic, but that made him worse. He began muttering ‘H.I.V’ and ‘AIDS’ to himself over and over again.”

“I tried to tell him that he was being stupid and that he needed to get a grip but when we pulled onto my drive and he spotted the rainbows in my window and my neighbours windows, he started having breathing issues and mild chest pains.”

“I thought he would be ok when David, my lovely neighbour who is a paramedic came rushing over to help, but when his husband Gavin, a wonderful man and a nurse at Lincoln hospital came to help, Gaylord had a massive heart attack and died.”

“It’s sad… but still, he won’t be missed much. I’ve not had much to do with him for the last 20 years really with him being in a coma. Plus he was a massive tool and a hate filled homophobic twat, it’s no loss to society really.”

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