April the 24th needs marking down as an historical event because a cure for stupidity was born and we have the Great Donald Trump to thank, slow hand clap please.
Throughout this coronavirus crisis good old Donald, the leader of the free world, has turned daily White House task force briefings into a rambling two-hour self-promoting look at me and how well I’m managing the current situation meetings.
He’s devoted large chunks of them to slagging off the media, attacking his political opponents, telling us how great he is and how he is re-writing history as he tries to defend all the clusterfuks he’s made since the virus first emerged on the shores of the USA.
And while he has been doing all of this, over 60,000 Americans have died from COVID-19 – that’s more than the total amount of deaths the US military suffered during the 7 year long Vietnam war – the worst death toll on the planet. Over a million cases have now been reported across the country.
But by far the most amazing but reckless and dangerous thing Dr Trump has done, is use the most powerful podium on earth to air his totally out of this world batshit crazy theories on how to overcome the virus.
But instead of coming up with a cure for Covid-19 he indirectly came up with a cure for stupid and various other strains of stupidity and it’s related forms.
Dr Donald came up with the cure while he was doing a paint by numbers project in the Oval Office. Spotting a bottle of Dettol on the side accidentally left by a White House cleaner he thought to himself ‘if Dettol kills germs maybe we can inject it and it will kill Covid19 in our bodies’.
So after President Dr Donald Trump had finished his paint by numbers and his colouring-in tasks for the day, he called a press conference at the White House and suggesting people suffering from stupidity or those who fear that they are about to get a does of stupid should drink a Trumptini. Dr Donald’s very own unique mixed Trumptini will be on sale for $25+ tax on Monday morning and can be purchased from any gun store or failing that, US citizens can just make their own using this Dr Donald approved recipe.
1 part beach
1 part disinfectant
1 Tide pod.
Sausage readers please DO NOT try this… unless you are a Brexiter and one of those nobs who can’t stay home during a pandemic lockdown.