The Society of Science and Dog Walking released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don’t own a dog but go for a daily walk are a little bit odd and are probably up to no good and should be approached with caution. Double the distance of social distancing is advised.
Dober Mann, a local dog owner told The Sausage: “I have to walk my two dogs three times a day and it’s a bit shit at times to be honest. I tell you, who in the right mind goes for a walk in the wind and rain when they don’t have to? Weirdos and strange folk, that’s who.”
A scientific survey conducted byThe Society of Science and Dog Walking found that at least 96.45% of all people who regularly go for a walk but don’t own a dog could well be burglars, mentally insane, Yorkshire folk or axe wielding murderers.
Prof Bunsan Burner told The Sausage: “At the very least, non dog walkers are like those strange folk who try to talk to you on public transport. You know the type, they come and sit next to you and tell you all about their lives and problems even though the train is empty and there are plenty of spare seats.”
“For your own safety, the important thing is to not make eye contact or engage with these types of strange disturbed folks because you’ll only encourage them and they might end up murdering you, and burying you in a shallow grave with your dog.”
The study concluded that there’s nothing more uncomfortable than being followed around a cold damp field in the middle of winter by a strange bloke with his hood up.
The Sausage would like to state that not everyone that is outside is a strange non dog walking person but are probably just going about their daily lives.