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May 28, 2020

Does A Day Out In Skegness Make You Disabled?


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Thousands of ‘disabled’ folk have flocked to Lincolnshire’s coast and ignored threats by the locals to stay away or else get burned in a Wickerman after coronavirus restrictions were eased by our main man in charge Boris Johnson.

In Skegness on Wednesday, May 20, there were long queues for Skegness’ latest must go to attraction. No it’s not a new roller coaster or new chippy but one of the few disabled toilets that were open as people flocked in their droves to visit the coast.

Maybe the people weren’t disabled before they went to Skegness but after bathing in the crystal clear sea for an hour and consuming several bottles of shandy and Happy Shopper Cola they instantly became ‘disabled’ just to avoid the long walk to the one only open non-disabled public toilet, open to the public due to the door being kicked in last weekend. 

Rumor has it the queues were over 40mins long for the beach side disabled toilets. 

By the end of the day the toilets looked like an emergency runway strip in Bosnia, covered in cowshit in the middle of winter but The Sausage is willing to bet a tenna that somebody in the queue scored drugs in them at some point.

The council and locals warned that visitors should not visit Skegness because many public facilities still remain closed as a result of the pandemic.

Elvis Costello, Leader of Lincolnshire County Council told The Sausage:”We made the mistake of opening up one disabled toilet for our lesser able-bodied locals but it seems that the idea has backfired on us. As soon as it was discovered the toilets were open, it was on that Facebook. People posting about it in their local groups and before we knew it, half of Scunny and Lincoln were here with their tits out… and that was just the men.”

“People should stay at home for exercise or go to Mablethorpe as you can shit in the street there and no one would notice. Please don’t come to Skegg as there are no toilets, no restaurants, no cafés or other facilities open. So piss off and stay alert at home you twats.”

Fears grow in Skegness as people head to the coast in scorching weather and with the bank holiday fast approaching the local folk worry about a shortage of Wickermen.

“Hopefully the Grockles will use common sense and stay away till the pandemic is over as I don’t think we’ll have enough Wickermen to cope with the demand.” Said local Ian Bred 

“We will burn you!”Say angry locals

Angry inbred locals build Wickermen to burn tourists in!

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