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July 6, 2020

Husband Never Realised Wife Was Such A Cow At Work


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A man who is working from home alongside his partner of nine years had not realised that she was such a cowbag and a complete dick in the workplace. 

Johnny Rockson was completely unprepared for his wife Angie’s workplace personality who turned out to be a massive backstabbing and self important cowbag. 

Johnny told The Sausage: “I thought Angie was a wonderful, kind, loving, considerate and funny woman. But after having to work with her and finding out what she’s like at work, I’m seriously considering getting divorced!’

“I’ve overheard her on Zoom meetings and calls for weeks now, and I had never noticed but she has got an awful nasally squeek to her voice and constantly interrupts people all the time. What really gets me is how much she flirts with her boss. It’s embarrassing.”

“Take last Wednesday for example, she got all dressed up. She got her make-up and hair done. She wore a short skirt and a gappy buttoned up blouse for her annual appraisal. You could hear her hanging off his every word. It was sickening. I did spot two major flaws in her plan though as she had forgotten to put a bra on and the blouse was as good as see through.

And another thing, her preparation is utter shite. They say preparation is key to a good meeting, but she had left all of her stuff in the bottom draw of the filing cabinet. Meaning she gave her boss an eyeful as she bent over to get it… several times. Why the fuck she didn’t get it all out at the same time I simply don’t know. And what’s with that shitty little girly giggle she has when he asks her to pick up her dropped pen. What’s that all about?”

“His laugh is no better though, when I first heard him on their first Zoom call, I thought she was watching a Carry On Film with Sid James doing the lead role.”

“She’s just an arse. I’m honestly not sure if she’s about to be sacked, promoted or screwing the boss to climb the career ladder. And then there is that ‘harmless banter’ – as she calls it – with Dave the muscular handyman. Makes me sick, apparently he’s coming round when I’m allowed back to work to sort out the store cupboard. Something to do with social distancing she says. You know? Not having more than two people in the house at the same time… or something.” 

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