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July 7, 2020

To Infinity And Colon!

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A red faced man who turned up at Lincoln County Hospitals A&E department has denied allegations of sexual perversion, instead claiming he was conducting an experiment to see if a large object would fit in a small hole.

Simon Blenkout from Marton, was forced to visit his local Accident & Emergency department after getting an odd shaped object firmly lodged where the sun doesn’t shine.

Lead Sister Terri Jackson told Sausage:”Despite the obvious nature of the incident, Mr Blenkout claims that he was simply conducting an experiment to see if the human rectum could theoretically fit a Buzz Lightyear inside his back passage, he maintains he had no problems with Woody but with Buzz, it was literally ‘to infinity and beyond’.”

“‘This wasn’t for pleasure or fun. This was a serious experiment’ Simon told our staff. It’s a good job we wear face masks as they hid our smiles and smirks, but the only problem is they cannot silence the laughter from the medical team.”

“Usually with a patient in this kind of incident, they say they just tripped and fell on it by accident . The fact they weren’t wearing any trousers at the time and the object was fully lubricated is always a complete coincidence.”

With a bit of tugging,pulling and sniggering the medical team were able to remove Buzz Lightyear from Simons back passage.

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