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April 15, 2021

Millions Of Folk Travel To The Coast To Test Their Eyesight

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Skeggy and Mabo were hit hard today as crowds came from miles around to enjoy the hottest day of the year so far.

Despite advice to stay away from the area, it was overrun with cars, sunbathers and bus wankers all using the ‘Cummings and Goings’ law which allows a person to drive to a place to test their eyesight. This lead to gridlock, illegal parking and anti-social behavior.

Council leader Cheesed Off told The Sausage: “I was absolutely appalled by the scenes, and the behaviour of some people. It’s irresponsible behavior by Joe public once again,  coming down here spending their money in our shops, it’s absolutely appalling.” 

 “We have had no choice now but to declare a major incident and initiate and emergency response team but even the inbred locals with their pitch forks and webbed feet couldn’t shift the crowds, it was absolute chaos.”

“However on the plus side, every cloud has a silver lining and all that, if you look past all of the unwashed flabby skin and extra toes of our visitors, our underpaid traffic wardens managed to hand out 888 fines for illegally parked vehicles. Which is a record. Another few more days like this and our annual bonus will be massive.”

One slightly overweight and slightly drunk sun seaker told The Sausage: “I don’t know what all the fuss was about to be honest, I was only meeting up with twenty of me mates for a few Stella’s on the beach and a game of topless volly ball.”

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