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August 9, 2020

New Two Pint Rule For Social Distancing.


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The new social distancing regulations of table ordering and filling out of forms only lasted until the bottom of the second pint yesterday as pubs re-opened their doors once again. 

Well we say re-opened their doors once again, if the rumours are to be believed, some establishments in Gainsborough having secret drinks behind closed curtains.

It is believed that at one point during lockdown you could get your haircut and then go for a pint a few doors down in the town. These are just rumours though, and as The Sausage doesn’t want a kicking off some inbred local with more teeth than brain cells (debatable) they will remain just rumours.

Local pub goer and part-time Ket dealer Bobby Barleyson Thompson Smith told The Sausage; “Before going out on today’s session celebrating our independence from lockdown rule, I have already earmarked parts of the town centre to vomit on, and the piss stops in the shop doorways as I move from pub to pub”

“That social distancing thing didn’t last long either as I’d just downed my second pint in Jockey and I’d seen me mate two teeth Tony walk in and as he owed me a pint I put a social arm around him and gave him a loving kiss we me forehead to jog his memory. Now he’s called one tooth Tony.”

“Plus after a few more beers I will be seeing what this lovely town has to offer female wise. If you know what I mean, wink wink. And I haven’t seen any signs saying whether we can grope women or not.”

“I like to do some of my best groping in the corridor between the toilets and the entrance or in Roseway carpark,” said Bobby as he made a bee line for Fat Sharon and her mate Ten Tonne Tina.

At this point The Sausage beat a hasty retreat as I feared for my life when I caught Tina’s eye.

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