Boris Johnson has finally got his finger out and has announced the date for glory holes and woodland/beauty spot dogging sites to reopen.
Popular car park dogging spots are to remain closed for longer though due to supermarkets having extended click and collect hours. Boris doesn’t want old Mavis going to collect her weekly shop at 9pm while Rita, Sue and Bob too are having a bit of ‘how’s your father’ in collection bay no.1.
Perversion seekers have been furious after glory holes were boarded up in mid-March, leaving hole users with no access whatsoever to get their pleasure.
Glory hole fan and dogging fanatic, Jack Hoff has been using an empty toilet roll tube filled with wet ham and pickle with and a slither of sandpaper – for rough drilled wood realism – to get him through the barren months of the pandemic as it reminds him of The White Horse toilets in Gainsborough.
Jack told The Sausage “In reality, dogging sites could probably have opened in June. With them being outside, I could have met people within my bubble for a bit of open air dogging, and I know that my sister would have been up for it.”
“Should anyone outside of our bubble come and join us, we would have been perfectly fine as part of the fun of dogging is wearing masks. We would be all covered facially. I like to wear an owl mask when out at night waving it about.”
“As for glory holes, they are an indoor sport which arguably justifies the delay in the reopening of them. I did manage to get a bit of lockdown g-hole action though. As it was my birthday my mum let me drill a hole in the bathroom door and…….”
At this point The Sausage reporter made his excuses and left.