A proud Englishman and R Tommeh worshiper has stated in various social media posts, as well as bragged down the pub after several pints of Stella, that he’d do absolutely anything for his country apart from ‘wear a chuffing face mask’ during a global pandemic.
Terrance Cockwomble, 42 from Gainsborough told The Sausage: “I’m willing to fight and die for this country. I’ve never actually been in the army but I went to the air cadets when I was at school so that close enough…but having to put one of those chuffing masks over my nose and mouth is right out of the chuffing question.”
“Those face mask things make me all itchy and short of breath, I’m a 20 stone proud Englishman who likes his beer and fried food, I shouldn’t have to wear a mask. My grandad and his mates didn’t storm the beaches of northern France so that we would have to wear masks….!”
“There’s no way on god’s earth I’m wearing a face mask just because someone in a foreign land ate a bat and got the sniffles and spread it round the world. Why should I have to wear a mask? It’s not my fault. If anything the person who started it should have to wear a mask. I’d rather Britain went to war with China and took back control of what we once owned. That’s the only way to stop people dying!”
“If I wanted to wear a face covering I’d have a sex change and convert to that chuffing death religion Muslimanity. Expecting me to wear a mask in my own country is a fecking joke. It stamps all over my civil liberties and freedoms. This is exactly why I voted to leave the EU. It’s those fascists in Brussels that are telling us to wear masks. I won’t stand for it!”
At this point our reporter retreated to a safe distance once he realised that you cannot educate pork and left Terrance to enjoy his pint and pasty.