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September 20, 2020

Benefits

New Two Pint Rule For Social Distancing.

The new social distancing regulations of table ordering and filling out of forms only lasted until the bottom of the second pint yesterday as pubs re-opened their doors once again.  Well we say re-opened their doors once again, if the rumours are to be believed, some establishments in Gainsborough having secret drinks behind closed curtains.

Gainsborough Declares Crackdown On Non Cannabis-Users

Gainsborough folk who do not smoke cannabis face fines and could be sent to prison under tough new drug laws. The small inbred Lincolnshire town is to make cannabis use compulsory for all residents under 50 years old with penalties for anyone who does not have any form of the drug in a bedroom drawer

Prime Pensioner!

A lovely kind hearted retired neighbour in Lincolnshire has confirmed that it is ‘absolutely fine’ and he is in no way cheesed off about collecting his neighbours Amazon deliveries. The good willed neighbour named Ronald told The Sausage “that is was no problem whatsoever” to be regularly interrupted and used as a parcel pick-up point

Humpty Dumpty Fit For Work Say DWP

Humpty Dumpty spoke of his shock and disbelief yesterday after learning that he had been found fit for work after enduring a probing assessment by examiners at the Department for Work and Pensions. Mr Dumpty, who has been left unable to walk, talk properly, move or even play bingo since being smashed into multiple pieces

Local Town Renamed G-troit As Crime And Violence Increases.

  A sleepy town in Lincolnshire famous for it headless horseman and ugly women where nothing much happens apart from the odd derelict building fire and the often bridge strike, has become a no-go area for some locals. Recently the town has witnessed a major increase in crime, and the townsfolk are demanding urgent action

Benefit Caps Hurt Families County Wide

  Benefit caps have left families across the county with deep scarring after not being checked thoroughly by Austerity Hits Ltd based in Saxilby https://thelincolnshiresausage.com/2019/05/19/austerity-factory-to-open-at-saxilby/ A massive fail in the final inspection process of the benefit caps was to blame. The caps left the factory un-fettled with very sharp edges, cutting families – who are