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Austerity Hits, a firm based in Saxilby Lincolnshire notified The Sausage today that it has been forced to put staff on government paid furlough scheme after its offers to supply Covid-19 test kits were ignored. Head of European operations Tess Ting told The Sausage “We contacted the government telling them that we could provide at
Britain is currently suffering a national shortage of multi-skilled fruit and vegetable pickers, leaving Britain relying on an army of 150 Romanian fruit pickers flown over this week to save our great nation – you know the type, the hard working people that were forcibly sent home by our government at the requests of Daily
It was announced today that the 2020 European Football Championship will go ahead after all, bringing light relief to footy fans across the country. This year’s European Football Championship 2020 is to be placed in the hands of teenage boys and adult males who have no girlfriends, who still live at home with Mummy and
A Lincolnshire man was left feeling violated this week after he removed some of his belongings which had been in storage for three months whilst he searched for a flat. Roger Parsons a mild mannered man from Blyton had collected the last box of belongings from the storage unit and had noticed a strange noise
Boris Johnson who was reportedly missing while the UK crumbled around him has been found. While heavy winds and torrential rain brought havoc to most of the UK throughout February leading to mass floods costing billions in damages and the Corona Virus outbreak spreading faster than a skint crack-whore’s legs, Boris Johnson was nowhere to
Storm Warning. Brace Yourself Lincolnshire & Stay Safe Another storm is blowing in from the Atlantic and it’s predicted to hit our shores late Friday so beware of the following hazards across the county. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come and we can have a storm every weekend once the ‘special’ trade agreement
After this weekends disappointing Brexit celebrations, the Government has decided that the first EU ruling to be binned is the one which governs the fire safety of flags. After many failed attempts to burn European Union flags on Friday, which left many Brextremists a little deflated, the new ruling will make all foreign flags flammable.
Friday night all across Britain celebrations were being held as the UK withdrew from the European Union project, a project which has kept peace across Europe for over 70 years. During a small celebration held outside a Polish food shop in Scunthorpe by a handful of gapped toothed British patriots shouting slogans like ‘British jobs
Big Ben’s famous chimes will be replaced buy the Purge siren as the UK welcomes in Brexit on the 31st of January. . Cathedrals, Churches and even small Chapels across the country have also been equipped with Purge sirens and will sound at eleven o’clock on the 31st of January to warn locals of the
Ten Bob Tina the Blow Job Queen of Bottesford as the locals like to call her, real name Tina Turner from Bottesford, has decided to offer free nosh jobs in the woods of Bottesford Beck Linear Park over the last week of January as a way to drum up business. “I got the idea after
